


Haganegami

by SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll (dainochild)



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), 闇の末裔 | Yami No Matsuei | Descendants of Darkness
Genre: I am so sorry, M/M, Sibling Incest, btw yes this is a troll fic, but i know it's bound to be full of misogynistic homophobic and transphobic stupidity, i dont remember everything that's in this fic, it mightnt seem like it but that was the joke, it's only here by Request for my full fic archive showing all the hell and sin i've unleashed, like completely on every level, listen 14 is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE age ok, maybe if i had any clue wtf was even going on in this fic i could explain, mentions of child rape, murder too, probably not, that's how bad it is, this is from when 4ch was cool guys, u got trolololol'd edvy, will i ever atone for bad fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-13
Updated: 2007-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-06 20:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 29,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3147689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dainochild/pseuds/SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A blast from the distant 2007 past. A truly terrible fanfic about Edward Elric waking up one day and discovering not only is he a shinigami but apparently he’s madly in love with Envy, who has no memories of being a psychopathic homunculus or Ed. So of course Tsuzuki and Hisoka help him get his man. Because they have time to care about that despite the whole Muraki thing. I think Muraki is Envy's therapist or something? This fic is really weird even I dunno what's going on. Also I have no fucking clue why but Ed’s a Gravitation fan. Like. Seriously. Hardcore. I don’t even. What. Why, 14-year-old self? Why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Edward Elric was always bored. Life in Munich was incredibly boring. After his fast-paced, meaningful life as the Fullmetal Alchemist, having to settle down in a new world with no purpose, no goal and no future wasn’t something he wanted. He had Al back, fully restored and cheerful. Ed had always believed that was all he needed to live happy, but he now knew that somewhere along the journey he had found something else he needed and chances are it was in Amestris. Was it Winry? A part of him knew it should be Winry, but he definitely didn’t need her. She was a sister to him, not a necessity.

Having such a burning desire and no way to channel it was horrific. Al had dealt with the new world surprisingly well and had a growing attachment to Noa. Ed wished that he had his brother’s strength and optimism. He knew he wouldn’t be happy until he found it, the strange connection that had him glancing over his shoulder every few steps, the paranoid tingling of being watched all Ed ever found.

Becoming unbearably bored of his existence, Ed began to travel, hoping to find the double of his important person. He had even demanded Al stay behind, saying he, Ed, didn’t want to spoil Al’s new life.

It happened when Ed was in Nagasaki…

It was the most important day of his life.

It was the day Edward Elric, former Fullmetal Alchemist and Hero of the People, died.

*

A hot pain spread through Ed’s body. He felt like he was on fire. Groaning, Ed raised his right hand, expecting the chill of automail. Feeling a sweaty palm and curved digits, Ed yelped. His eyes wide and hopeful, he examined his right arm. It felt like flesh… it _felt_. Ed had never been more aware of the stitching in a blanket. Tearing the blanket away, Ed found two matching legs. The shock was too great, the senses too much. Ed almost burst into joyful tears.

His mind cleared and the shame of being so emotion sank in. Ed started to take in his surroundings; a white room, white bed, white sheets, white walls, white curtains. Either Ed had finally been thrown in a funny farm or he was in hospital. Ed opted for the second, though he had no idea what he would need to be in hospital for. The last thing he had known, Ed was merely walking through Nagasaki… he had spoken with a stranger… after that everything was a blur and trying to remember sent migraines rocking through his head. What was that electronic beep? And those horns beyond the window? What were all these sounds? Everything was so loud, so fast… it was like the world refused to sleep.

“What’s going on?” Ed wondered aloud. He slumped back on the soft bed, rolling to his left. A plastic rectangular box marked with glowing lines formed the time. Ed was too sore to even question how it worked. The numbers disappeared for a second, replaced by new ones.

**24.07.98**

Ed wondered what that meant. The time was only displayed with four numbers, and there were only twenty-four hours in a day – not to mention the seconds. So, logically, that must be the date. The twenty-fourth of July, 1998.

“1998?” Ed shrieked, his eyes wide with confusion. Hadn’t it been 1926 before he slept? Ed shook his head in disbelief. It wasn’t possible. He couldn’t have slept for over seventy years! His skin was still smooth, his arm and leg restored – did they have amazing healing abilities here? And Al… where was Al? Was his brother still alive? If Al was alive and hadn’t undergone the strange anti-aging and memory loss Ed had, he could be on his death-bed any day. Ed had to get back to Munich.

“Al…”

Throwing back the covers, Ed swung his shaky legs to the floor testily. The left leg was so over whelmed with the cold touch it collapsed beneath him. Grunting, Ed scanned the room for his clothes. He couldn’t see any draws in the small room aside from the one to his left; the bed-side table. Letting out a sigh of relief, Ed pulled out the familiar leather pants, black tank-top, jacket and red-rimmed boots. He quickly and clumsily changed. Feeling less confused with some familiar garments and braided hair, Ed went to the sliding door, hoping no doctors were coming. He slid the door open before quickly closing it and walking at a swift pace down the hall. Nothing yet.

The hospital was fairly open; wide corridors, small windows on each sliding door and little to no staff in the corridors. It wasn’t long until Ed found a flight of stairs. Grateful, Ed counted seven flights before he finally reached the ground floor. His newly restored leg was getting less and less sensitive by the step, much to Ed’s joy.

The lobby was a mixture of white and palest blue. Behind a counter were three receptionists. Several people occupied the couches hidden behind magazines and newspapers. Ed was relieved by the slow activity as he walked towards the exit trying to look and act like a normal visitor.

Sadly, Ed’s great act was ruined when the second he stepped outside. The towering buildings, the roar of fast and sleek cars – the world outside was more intense, more rushed and noisy. Ed couldn’t help but gasp in awe. Something roared overhead. Ed snapped his eyes upward, amazed to see what resembled a sleeker, more stylish aeroplane. He hadn’t seen them very often before – was there a war going on, or had aeroplanes become a more common means of transport?

Realising how conspicuous he must look, Ed calmed himself down and continued to walk down the streets of Nagasaki. It seemed that everything had gotten larger and shinier during his… whatever had happened. It had been impressive for the first hour or two, but after that, Ed began to wonder what the modern society was compensating for. Money over morals? Was this world now as corrupt as Amestris had been?

Ed shuddered slightly. There it was again, the paranoid tingling. He had felt like a stalker’s victim for the past fifteen minutes, but every time he glanced over his shoulder he couldn’t see anyone watching him. This was probably a side-effect of such an extended period of sleep.

Sighing lightly, Ed continued on his way down the alley-way. His half-hearted pace was halted when, out of no where, a hand closed tightly around his wrist. Ed glanced down at the pale hand, wide-eyed, before lifting his gaze to the face of a boy no older than sixteen. His face was feminine, framed with brown hair so light it was almost blonde. Cold green eyes glared down at Ed, completely void of emotions. Ed found himself unable to look away.

“Elric… you’re supposed to be at the hospital,” the teenager informed him, releasing Ed’s wrist.

Ed’s head tingled wildly, his vision blurring. He felt like he could collapse, but to do so around a creepy teenager? He had to fight it.

“No I’m not,” Ed replied snappily. He turned to walk away, only to come face-to-chest with a dark suit covered with a white lab coat. Taking a step back, Ed glanced up, meeting a gaze of rich purple.

_painhatelongingneedpainlustlovedesirehatemelancholyneedtolovehatelustdesirerevengeneedlovepain_

A million emotions pounded through him, his hands gripping his long hair in agony. This was worse than the Gate, worse than loosing his arm and leg, worse than dying. It was like his very existence was being erased, forced together only to be torn into irreparable fragments. Everything blurred together into a white haze before giving in to the darkness.

How long had passed was a mystery to Ed. When he opened his eyes, would another seventy years have passed? Or maybe he’d wake up back in Munich – or, even better, in Amestris.

“…idiot, sneaking up on him!”

“Well, he was going to run away! Hisoka _is_ scary.”

“Idiot!”

“You could’ve been hurt, Hisoka.”

There was silence.

“Tsuzuki… I never felt any of his emotions. That’s why. And, what’s more… his eyes…”

Ed opened an eye slightly, seeing the blurry forms of his attackers.

“…aren’t human.”

“I see…”

“Tsuzuki…”

“Well, we should tell this to Tatsumi.”

“… _aa_.”

The sound of footsteps fading and finally a door closing announced Ed’s solitude. Their words weighed down on him, memories playing constantly through his mind.

_“…his eyes… aren’t human.”_

_“I see.”_

_“They’re just like your father’s.”_

_“I hate them!”_

_“Brother, you have weirdo eyes…”_

_“…aren’t human.”_

Groaning, Ed gazed up at the ceiling.

“What the hell is going on? My head hurts from trying to figure it all out…” Ed muttered.

Silence was his only reply. Ed had never felt more alone. Not in the moments when he though Al was gone, nor when he had crossed the Gate. In those two years he had had Alfons Heindrich and two other Amestris-natives. If Al was dead… he, Ed, was the only one left.

Taking in a deep breath, Ed reminded himself of his mission. No stalkers were going to keep him from his brother!

Ed stumbled out of the room, taking no note of his surroundings. Out of here, down there, open that door, down stairs. Before too long, Ed found himself outside the tall, glamorous building and looking at the rows of cherry blossoms. Wasn’t it summer? Did cherry blossoms bloom in July? Ed was an alchemist, not a botanist.

“LOOK! THE NEW GUY!”

Before Ed had time for a proper reaction, his arms were being clutched by two girls with identical shades of hair – light brown. The one wearing her hair in two long pony-tails observed him with adoring green eyes, the one with her hair out adoring him with blue.

“He’s sooo cute!”

“Tsuzuki was right, he’s so young… how old did you die, fourteen?”

“WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-SHRIMP-WITHOUT-THE-ABILITY-TO-LOOK-HIS-AGE?” Ed yelled, thrashing out of reflex. The girls held on tight, laughing.

“Dammit, let me go!”

“No, you’re going the wrong way!”

“We should dress him up…”

“Great idea, he’ll look so cute!”

They were too strong; Ed couldn’t break their grip. They were dragging him towards the door again. Out of reflect, Ed clapped his hands, slamming one against a wall. To Ed’s shock and horror, a pole started to emerge, soon followed by a golden, wing-style cross-guard and a blade. Quickly grabbing his weapon, Ed swung around, glaring at the girls, ready to strike.

“Yuma… Tsuzuki-san said his partner’s an empath, right?”

“Right.”

“Empaths can do _that_?”

“I’m not an empath! Empaths aren’t real!”

“…he’s not a Shinigami, is he?”

“Don’t think so…”

“Can’t we keep him?”

“I’m not an object!”

“He _could_ be a potential Shinigami.”

“That’s true. Maybe we’ll get a pay rise!”

“And we’ll still get to dress him up!”

“I’m right here, you know!”

Completely ignoring Ed’s very pointy stick, the girls grabbed him, dragging him back inside. Ed turned the stave horizontally, almost managing to halt the advance. The green-eyed girl took advantage of the moment to wrench it from his grip. Ed huffed, sulking, which was soon followed by squeals over his cuteness. Normally, Ed would’ve been violent over such a statement, but somehow it just rolled off him, like he’d heard it a million times.

Several flights of stairs later and a lot of chatter found Ed’s kidnappers halted outside a door. Ed couldn’t read the sign above it; it was in Japanese. Ed never learnt to read any Japanese.

Green-eyes went in first, followed by a dragged Ed and blue-eyes.

“Look what we found!” blue-eyes announced gleefully.

“I’m not a fucking toy, dammit!” Ed snapped, struggling again to get free. Blue-eyes let him go, allowing Ed to jump to his feet. Unfortunately, his restored leg chose then to act up, leaving Ed cursing on the floor.

“He’s hurt!”

“Aw, poor baby,” blue-eyes sniffed, hugging Ed.

“Go away, you creepy kidnappers! AND I’M NOT SO TINY I LOOK NEWLY BORN!” Ed cried.

“Give him a bit of a break, okay?”

Reluctantly, the girls backed off, allowing the tall, brown-haired man to move forward. He crouched in front of Ed, smiling kindly. Ed immediately calmed at the sight of those beautiful amethyst eyes.

“Can you walk?”

“I could before. My leg’s changed recently…” Ed replied cryptically.

The man looked confused but nodded. “I’m Tsuzuki Asato.”

“Edward Elric. I mean… Elric Edward.”

“Tsuzuki-san, his power’s amazing,” green-eyes said.

“Oh?” Tsuzuki asked, eyebrows raised.

“Where exactly is this?” Ed asked coolly. “And where’s the other guy?”

“This is Meifu – JuOhCho, to be exact. The land of the dead.”

Ed laughed. “No way, when you die you return to the Gate.”

“You’re religious?”

“Atheist.”

“O-kaay…” Tsuzuki replied. “Well, Edowarudo, you’re dead.”

“No, no I’m not.”

“We’re Shinigami, guardians of death. We make sure people reach Judgment.”

“No, no way…” Ed breathed. “I’m not dead and you’re some kind of insane. I’m. Not. Dead!”

Actually, being dead could explain the seventy year time-skip Ed had experienced… but the memory loss?

“Edowarudo…”

“Ed.”

“Edo, what’s the last thing you remember before you were in hospital?”

“Talking to a stranger. He was foreign too, and looked interesting,” Ed replied.

“And when was that?”

“A while ago.”

“Edo…”

“Fine! 1926. I haven’t aged for seventy-one years and was in a coma for that long,” Ed replied snappily. Death did make more sense… but ghosts?

“Seventy…?”

“Seventy-one years, yes.”

“How did you avoid our records for that long?” Tsuzuki asked, amazed.

“Skill,” Ed replied. He had no idea himself.

“That’s amazing!”

“See, Tsuzuki? We told you he’s awesome! And his clappy-thingy!”

“…clappy-thingy?” Ed repeated, shuddering.

“When you clapped and –”

“I know! It’s called _alchemy_!” Ed snapped.

“Aluchimi…?” they repeated the foreign word with difficulty.

“Is it edible?” Tsuzuki asked, stomach growling slightly.

Ed rolled his eyes. Dead people were no smarter than living. You would think that if they were really deceased they would have some kind of higher knowledge…

“It’s a science,” Ed replied coolly.

“So, no?”

“No!”

Blue-eyes leant forward, her face inches from Ed’s. She pouted cutely. “Won’t you show us, Edo-kun? Tsuzuki-san would lo-o-o-ove to see.”

Sighing, Ed motioned for her to back away. Squealing and clapping with glee, she obeyed. Tsuzuki looked mildly alarmed before following blue-eyes’ lead. Clapping, Ed slammed his hands on the ground. Blue light flashed around him before halting. Ed stood straight; grinning as they gasped in amazement at the Chinese-style dragon he had constructed using the floor boards. It wasn’t too big; the wood was weaker than he had expected. Too much would lead it to collapse.

“A-amazing…” Tsuzuki breathed.

“Tsuzuki-san, doesn’t he have potential?”

“Yeah, he could be the best!”

“What’re you talking about?” Ed asked, frowning slightly.

The girls wheeled around, grinning widely.

“You’re gonna be a Shinigami!”


	2. Errors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i don't know why last chapter didn't get a title but this one did

“No way! Why would I agree to that? You’re all insane!” Ed snapped.

“Don’t you want to find out about your death?”

“Yeah, that poor guy… dying and not even realising…”

“Who the hell are you guys?” Ed shouted.

The girls suddenly straightened, posing. “In charge of the Ninth Area, Hokkaido, we’re Fukiya Yuma…”

“…and Torii Saya,” the one with twin tails added, more subdued.

“I’m Tsuzuki Asato,” the purple-eyed man said, winking. “My partner’s telling our boss about you.”

“The really, really cute one?” Yuma questioned, eyes sparkling.

“Yup! That’s ‘Soka-chan!”

How he got from being caught up in a serious conversation to gossip about Tsuzuki’s apparently cute (and most likely male) partner was almost as mysterious as why he felt so connected to someone who was clearly an idiot. Just seeing the man brought on such a heavy bout of emotions. Not even the failed transmutation or the guilt it carried hurt that much. It was like gaining and losing everything at once. What stood out the most was the fact that, for once, Ed had felt complete. Was he really such a masochist that only excruciating pain made him whole? Emotions… what’s the point?

Sighing once more, Ed glanced down at his matching hands. They looked strangely weird. He was, amazingly, used to glancing down and finding mismatched opposites. As strange as they had been, those opposites had worked together perfectly whilst there.

“What’re you looking at?” Saya questioned quietly.

Ed shrugged. “No clue, to be honest with you.”

A door across the rows of desks opened. A fair-skinned and haired teenager emerged. Ed’s eyes narrowed, recognising the one who had grabbed him in Nagasaki. As he approached, his feminine face was raised, green eyes scanned over the two unfamiliar faces. As he opened his mouth, the girls squealed.

“He’s adorable!”

“Completely adorable!”

“Imagine him in Pink House!”

“SO CUTE!”

Tsuzuki chuckled lightly, watching his partner yell at the strangers with fondness.

“Who are you people? LET ME GO!”

“Yuma and Saya, Hisoka-chan!”

“Don’t address me like that! I’m not a girl!”

“You’re cute like one!”

“Shut up!”

Ed laughed quietly, glad he wasn’t the one being attacked or yelled at.

“Tsuzuki, you idiot! Help me!”

“Aw, we just wanna be friends, Hisoka!”

“AND see you in a Pink House gown…”

Hisoka’s struggling increased.

“Saya, Yuma, maybe you should let Hisoka go for now,” Tsuzuki suggested, stepping towards the group.

The girls reluctantly obeyed, their eyes simultaneously resting on Ed. Grins spread. A sudden feeling of doom sunk in around the blonde as the girls launched themselves at him, clinging on either side of him.

“Won’t YOU be our friend, Edo-chan?”

“I’m not girlie!” Ed snapped, feeling like he’d announced that a million times. His vision darkened, images flashing at an alarming pace, too fast to be distinguished. _“You’re more girlie than me, En!”_

The girls released him, surprised with the sudden language switch. Ed’s eyes widened, amazed with the words that had slipped from his mouth. He pressed a hand to his lips, amazed with the tingling sensation they were releasing. It was familiar, but he didn’t know how or why. And that casual nickname he never gave anyone such abbreviations, only Al’s name and very rarely Winry’s. But they were family. Who the hell was “En”? Why did that single syllable spread warmth and raise his heart-beat? It was like that person, whoever they were, could save him.

“Edo…?”

Ed glanced up, blinking with daze. Blurred vision cleared as he found the girls had released him, looking concerned. Tsuzuki stood a few strides away, supporting his partner who appeared even paler than earlier.

“…Sorry. I was remembering stuff,” Ed muttered, embarrassed.

“What’d you remember?” Yuma asked bouncily.

“…I don’t know…”

_En…_

Yuma’s nose wrinkles. “How can you not remember what you’ve remembered?”

_Who are you?_

Ed shrugged. “It was all too fast.”

_What’s this feeling?_

“Elric,” Hisoka started, shoving his concerned partner away. “Konoe Kanchou wants to meet you.”

_Is it… what I think it is?_

Ed nodded, climbing to his feet. “Okay.”

_Is this love?_

Konoe was an old man, greying at the temples and wearing a fine, blue suit. He was quiet plump and had an aura of authority toned with kindness. If this guy was a boss, he must be a fairly laid-back one. Well… at least in comparison to Mustang or Archer.

Lingering to the left to Konoe was another man, this one younger and clearly stiffer. He held a clipboard, square-framed spectacles covering his sapphire blue eyes. His brown hair was neat, despite the pointy bangs.

As usual, Ed decided formalities could go to hell. “What do you people want?”

If either were taken back by his mannerism, they didn’t state it.

“We are curious about you, Elric-kun,” Konoe said, eyes boring into Ed’s own. “It seems we have no record of your birth or life on Earth.”

“…Information errors, maybe?” Ed tried.

“JuOhChou doesn’t have information errors that large.”

“Uh… well… I’m not native to Japan,” Ed replied uneasily. Or this world…

“Clearly, Elric-kun. The GuShouShin have already started looking into the matter, but your assistance would be greatly appreciated,” Konoe hinted.

Ed sighed. “I’ve spent the most time in Munich. Germany.”

Konoe glanced to the sapphire-eyed man. “Tatsumi-san, would you please inform the GuShouShin?”

“Yes, boss.”

The man, now known to Ed as Tatsumi, departed the room quickly. Hisoka still lingered to the left of the room, eyes trained strictly on Ed. It was unnerving, like the teenager was seeing straight through flesh, blood and bone and into his very soul.

“Elric-kun, I have heard that you don’t believe yourself to be dead,” Konoe said, his question obvious.

“It’s starting to seem more and more likely.”

_This whole thing is confusing…_

Konoe raised an eyebrow. “How so?”

“It just makes more sense,” Ed replied with a shrug. “Anyway, I’ve got a vocab question… what’s Shinigami? And JuOhChou.”

“In matters relating to the world of the dead, there is an institute that judges the sins of the deceased. JuOhChou. The Summoning Section of the Judgement Bureau comprises a group supporting the ministry’s operating functions by guiding the lost souls that wander the mortal world. They are known as Shinigami,” Konoe explained.

“So… Shinigami are like _Death_ from the _Bible_?” Ed questioned, more to himself than the other occupants. “They make sure people die…”

“Aa,” Hisoka agreed from his left. “Someone has to do it, no matter how tainted the job may seem. It’s better for those souls to move on.”

“Isn’t it still the same as killing those people?” Ed asked coolly.

Hisoka shook his head. “It’s different because Meifu is better.”

“…I really don’t get all this…”

Just as Ed was thinking things couldn’t get more confusing, a chicken flew into the room.

_“WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? WHY IS A CHICKEN FLYING?”_ Ed shouted.

The red-capped, cutely dressed flying chicken floated in front of Ed’s vision, bowing. “It’s nice meeting you! I am GouShouShin.”

“Eh…hi… I’m… Elric Edward.”

That flying chicken was freakishly cute. It bowed once more before flying (how did it fly? It didn’t even flap its clothed wings!) over to Konoe.

“Boss… I’m sorry, but even with the extra information we didn’t find much,” GuShouShin said apologetically, pulling out a manila folder. A familiar feeling of dread covered Ed as Konoe opened the folder, reading.

“Elric-kun…” Konoe said, voice between awe and horror, “can you possibly explain this?”

“Explain what?” Ed asked evasively.

“Why your existence only covers one page over seventy years old.”

“I don’t know, there must be a flaw in your system,” Ed answered coolly.

“It says you came to Earth in 1921, disappeared briefly in 1923 before reappearing and travelling a lot before dying and disappearing at once three years later,” Konoe pushed.

“I have no idea what happened after I died,” Ed answered smoothly.

“And before?” Hisoka asked.

“Nothing that’d concern you people. I’m dead now and I want to know how and why,” Ed replied snappily. “I refuse to move on until I know!”

Konoe chuckled slightly. “Alright then, Elric-kun. Kurosaki-kun, you and Tsuzuki will continue on this case until Elric-kun is ready to move on.”

Hisoka glanced between Ed and his boss, face still expressionless. Finally, he nodded, walking from the room. Ed followed, smiling.

_I’ll find you._


	3. Pink House

“So, becoming a Shinigami is that easy?” Ed asked, awed.

“You’re not a Shinigami,” Hisoka replied coolly.

“…honorary one, then.”

“You’re more of a client.”

“That sounds so lame…” Ed groaned. “At least this’ll get sorted out…”

“Edo-chan!”

“Are you a Shinigami?” Saya asked eagerly.

“Nope, apparently I’m a client,” Ed replied, glaring slightly at Hisoka, who went straight to Tsuzuki’s side.

“That’s right,” Hisoka agreed. “Tsuzuki. We need to figure out how that guy died.”

“Do you have any marks?” Tsuzuki asked, glancing down (to Ed’s distress) at him.

“Don’t think so. What do you mean, anyway?” Ed replied curiously.

“We all have marks from how we died,” Hisoka replied. For some reason, his eyes remained on Tsuzuki, softening slightly.

“Then how’d you die?”

“You don’t ask that,” Saya warned quietly.

“Hey, we’ll find out if he has any marks!” Yuma announced suddenly, grabbing Ed roughly and hurrying to a nearby supply closet. “SAYA-CHAN! GET THE NEWEST ONE!”

“Sure thing, Yuma-chan!” Saya replied, bowing to Tsuzuki and Hisoka before dashing off.

“HEY! WHAT’RE YOU DOING? STOP IT!”

“You’ve gotta take them OFF!”

“…want to go get some coffee?” Hisoka asked his partner coolly.

“And some cakes?”

“Sure, sure.”

And so the partners walked away, ignoring the yelling from the closet.

Half an hour later found Ed emerged from the closet, hair loose and outfit drastically changed. It was a low-cut, v-necked dress, lacy and frilly. The body was figure-hugging and black, lined with white lace. The skirt fanned out, a classic maid-style outfit, minus the lack of puffy sleeves. The dress left his shoulders and neck bare.

“Tadaaaaa!” Yuma and Saya cried, proudly presenting their master work.

Tsuzuki’s jaw looked ready to hit the ground. Hisoka was relieved he hadn’t been forced into that situation. Ed fumed, arms crossed over his chest and pouting.

“You wouldn’t believe how muscular he is!” Yuma announced fondly.

“We didn’t find any scars or anything, just a tattoo,” Saya said, smiling.

Ed’s eyes widened. “I never had a tattoo…”

In his experience, a tattoo was never just a tattoo. It was always a religious mark, or defined someone as a cult member, or was even a weapon. If he had died and was back now with a tattoo… was he a homunculus? No, homunculi can’t use alchemy… but then, Hisoka has said something about his inhuman eyes.

“It’s right here,” Yuma said, pointing to Ed’s left upper-arm. “It’s kanji. Shitto, right?”

Tsuzuki and Hisoka shifted around, eyes studying the tattoo closely. “Aa, it’s shitto. It looks like someone wrote it by hand.”

“Yeah…”

Ed glanced down at it; it looked like an assortment of pretty lines to him. “And, what’s kanji?”

“You don’t know what kanji are?”

Ed shook his head. “I never mastered Japanese.”

“Kanji are one of our writing systems, the one based off Chinese. Hiragana and Katakana are native to Japan,” Tsuzuki explained.

“…you have three alphabets?”

“Yup!”

“Isn’t that confusing?”

“A bit.”

“So… does that tattoo have any special meaning?” Ed asked curiously.

“Tattoos like that aren’t too uncommon these days,” Tsuzuki replied thoughtfully. “With the increase of Christianity, it’s not much of a surprise.”

Ed’s nose wrinkled. “Are you saying these lines support Christianity?”

“In a way, it’s the Ca–”

“Arrrgh! _What would they say if they saw me, Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, supporting a RELIGION? It’s wrong! Religion won’t save anyone_!” Ed shouted to himself, once again switching languages.

“…uh… so you’re from an Atheist camp?” Tsuzuki concluded, followed by a cry of “Ouch! Hey, Hisokaaaa!”

“Idiot, he died around the time of the Nazi up-rising. That means you’re either Christian or you’re an enemy,” Hisoka informed his partner, cold green eyes trained sternly on Ed’s face.

“It wasn’t that bad… I lived with a Gypsy. I don’t know what happened to that idiot Hitler,” Ed replied, shrugging.

“He died.”

“Obviously. He was insane,” Ed muttered. Once again, Ed had himself wondering what became of Al and Noa. Was there an Elric family somewhere in Germany or England? Had Al died? The only way he could find out was investigation. “So… you gonna hammer me with questions now? Some kinda memory-restoration magic?”

“…actually, that’s not a bad idea,” Tsuzuki mused. “Perhaps Watari has something?”

“Something that hasn’t exploded?” Hisoka asked dryly.

“Yup!”

“Hey, Edo…” Yuma asked, her voice a serious whisper. “…do you like the dress?”

Twitch.

Giggle.

“No! Gimme back my real clothes, this is HUMILIATING!” Ed snapped hotly.

“No, it’s adorable!”

“So cuuute!”

“I don’t wanna be cute!”

“Aww, why not?”

“You look so wonderful, Edo-chan!”

“I’M NOT A GIRL!”

“That’s no issue!”

With a sigh of “troublesome”, Hisoka stepped forward. “Hey, Saya, Yuma – give him his real clothes so we can get this over with.”

There was silence. Nodding and bowing, the brunettes rushed off towards the supply closet.

“…how cold…” Ed muttered. But, thankfully, that cold method gained him his preferred outfit and the chance to dress himself. No girls stripping him to his boxers (how long had he been wearing them, anyway? Seventy-one years?) and no squeals or vicious hugs. He emerged comfortable, tossing the crumpled and most likely ripped dress aside.

“Okay, so… where to?” Ed asked, glancing up at Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki smiled warmly. “Follow me!”

He was led towards another door, probably another private office. Tsuzuki knocked lightly on the door, listening for explosions. Hearing none, he opened the door.

The laboratory appeared messy; vials and chemicals or all colours scattered around the bench-tops, random machines and tools here and there. Amongst it all was a white-coated figure, long, wavy blonde hair held back with an orange ribbon.

 _Their scientist is a woman?_ Ed wondered with his eyes still trained on the figure.

“Hey, Watari!”

The figure immediately turned around, smiling brightly. Ed immediately realised his mistake; that was no woman. His face was attractive, framed with loose locks of hair. Brown eyes were masked by glasses and, strangest of all, perched on his left shoulder was a very small brown owl.

“Tsuzuki! You been to the break-room yet? I’ve heard there’s cake!” Watari asked brightly, a strange grin replacing the friendly smile. It was almost predatory.

“Oh, yeah, a while ago…” Tsuzuki replied thoughtfully.

“And did anything happen?” Watari pressured, grin growing.

“No, not that I know of…” Tsuzuki replied.

Watari sighed. His gaze turned to Ed and immediately that warm, friendly smile appeared. “New Shinigami? Tatsumi didn’t say anything to me…”

“Oh, Edo’s not a Shinigami,” Tsuzuki announced. “He’s a mystery we’re meant to solve!”

“Ooh! Sounds interesting,” Watari agreed, observing Ed closely. “Nice meeting you, I’m Watari Yaka!” He stroked the owl fondly before it took to the air. “And she’s 003!”

Ed was slightly taken back by the enthusiasm and owl flying around his head. “Uh… Elric Edward. Call me Edo.”

“So, Edo, how old are you?” Watari asked.

“Ninety-two. Apparently.”

Watari looked momentarily dazed but soon regained his composure and bright smile. “You’re almost as old as Tsuzuki!”

“I’m not that old, Watari!” Tsuzuki whined.

“You’re ninety-eight.”

“But I _look_ twenty-six.”

“The problem,” Ed announced, annoyed with this subject, “is that I don’t remember anything from after I turned twenty-one. Including dying.”

Watari looked thoughtful. “Yeah, that’s a problem.”

“And apparently, I died seventy-one years ago… so why didn’t I come here? Or wherever?” Ed wondered, knowing there were no answers here.

“Souls generally don’t move on when there is something tying them to the world – unfinished business and their lovers, mostly,” Watari announced smartly. “Any of these for you?”

“There’s nothing I had left to do.”

Watari raised an eyebrow, smiling playfully. “Surely you had some wonderful lover, Edo?”

Ed’s stuttered protests weren’t believable, especially when matched with the blush. In truth, it was because he had been twenty-one then and never even kissed, let alone having a lover. When atoning for sins, sex doesn’t make itself someone’s top priority, and he still had atonement to make.

“N-no! I’m not kidding, no lover or girlfriend –”

“Boyfriend, then?”

“No! That would’ve got me fired, more so!” Ed cried. For some reason, the idea didn’t disgust him like when he was younger. “The only person I really cared about was my brother!”

“Aw, how sweet…” Watari replied, his teasing done. “So… you want a memory-restoration potion or something?”

“That’d be nice,” Ed replied.

“Yeah… if it worked,” Watari muttered.

“You made one before?” Tsuzuki asked, grinning.

“Yup, remember when Bon spent a week losing his keys?” Watari asked.

“…no…”

“That was that potion,” Watari sighed in defeat. “Besides, lost memories always come back. A sex-change potion is _much_ more interesting, don’t you agree?”

003 clapped her wings together in approval. Ed’s eye twitched. No wonder he had thought this guy was a girl!

“Watari… don’t you have any advice on regaining memories?” Tsuzuki asked, quickly changing the subject. Ed was glad.

Watari looked thoughtful. “Um… retracing steps? Looking around everywhere… the last place you expected…”

For some reason, Ed had a suspicion that the scientist was still talking about keys. He blocked out the speculation, recalling when Al had lost his memories. Al had travelled all over Ametris, finding out everything he could about the Fullmetal Alchemist, visiting friends, allies and colleagues. But in the end, he didn’t remember until sometime between when Ed returned through the Gate and passing through himself. Most likely, the Gate had been some kind of trigger that brought the memories flooding back; after all, their quest had started and finished with it.

“What about a trigger?” Ed asked aloud. Bewildered faces found his eyes. “You know, when you see an object or person that brings memories flooding back.”

“Oh! Like on T.V!” Watari agreed, raising a finger to the air in brilliance. “Okay, Edo, what’s your trigger?”

“…I won’t know until I see it,” Ed replied dryly.

“Not true,” Watari replied. “If you think about it, people often relate memories and events to places, objects, animals or other people. So, if you had any idea of something you’d be fond of, it’s probably that.” His finger gestured toward Tsuzuki. “For example, Tsuzuki’s trigger would be Bon!”

Tsuzuki blushed. “Watari!”

“Well, it’s true, right?” Watari grinned, surveying him.

“Well… yeah… but ‘Soka wouldn’t be happy if you said stuff like that!” Tsuzuki protested. “And he’s scary when he’s angry!”

Ed rolled his eyes. What was so drawing about this Hisoka? To Ed, he was a grumpy, depressive teenager who needed to get over himself and extract that pole. What excuse could be worthy of someone being that cold?

“Alright, so, Edo… we’re gonna have to find out what’s most important to you and find your trigger!” Tsuzuki announced enthusiastically.

Forcing a smile, Ed nodded, following behind Tsuzuki. He already knew the answer. And he also knew they were all dead. This mystery would eternally remain one.


	4. Bonds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [sarcastic mcnuggety voice] Being attached to Envy... doesn't seem that weird.

Meifu, the land of the dead. A place where cherry blossoms eternally bloomed, the weather always pleasantly warm, the sky littered by few wispy clouds. The grass was soft and moist and the appealing green everyone desired. Even more desirable; it all seemed to be the same length. It was abnormally perfect. It wasn’t the normal, imitation of life he wanted. So, before if was realised, before someone caught onto him, he ran, back to the human world.

Back to that strange place.

And back to searching.

Because he never could give up – not on Edward Elric.

“Uh… I went from London to Munich because London’s boring, lived there for a few years, got bored and went to… somewhere around here…” Ed mumbled to himself, tracing his route across Europe and into Asia. His memories of those years were sketchy; he hadn’t been travelling for pleasure. He’d been trying to find whatever it was that stopped him from moving on. “…and then I caught a boat over to Tokyo and travelled down to Nagasaki.”

“Why Nagasaki?” Hisoka questioned smoothly. “It wasn’t very well known back then, was it?”

Ed shrugged. “Just felt the urge. I was in Tokyo for a few weeks before and spent a couple of months travelling down.”

Hisoka glanced over the route for several more seconds. Ed glanced around, amazed at the length and width of this library. There were so many books… there must have been thousands! Were it not for the unfamiliar symbols on the spines, Ed would have been dashing around finding the scientific developments of the past seventy years. Such as those chickens – were they robots? Had their genes been modified in some manner? And how could they float like that? This world had become incredibly weird…

For one reason or another, the chickens had stopped Tsuzuki at the door. Apparently, he was banned from the library due to destructive behaviour. Hisoka said that Tsuzuki had destroyed a few dozen shelves. As he had glanced back at the pleading man, Ed was surprised that someone who seemed so stupid and childish could be powerful enough to destroy any room, let alone a library.

Hisoka flicked through the atlas thoughtfully. Ed watched lazily. The sound of pages of a reversed book being turned and a constant plastic sound every few milliseconds droned through Ed’s mind. He glanced toward the door, wondering what Tsuzuki was doing.

“Why are you so drawn to him?”

Ed jumped slightly, his gaze returning to Hisoka. The sandy-blonde was still examining the atlas, but his question lingered heavily in the air.

“To who?” Ed asked, though he knew perfectly.

“Tsuzuki.”

“I’m not “drawn” to him,” Ed protested hotly.

“You are.”

“And how would you know? Can you read my mind?”

“Yes.”

Ed blinked, amazed. He hadn’t been expecting that reply. “Wait, what? You can read minds?”

“I’m an empath,” Hisoka replied. “I can sense the emotions of others and, occasionally, their thoughts.”

Ed was considering denying the existence of empaths, but at that very instant, a chicken floated by. Supernatural powers made more sense than floating chickens.

“Every time Tsuzuki’s around, your eyes tend to stay on him, or find him frequently. When you first looked at him, you fainted. There is some kind of connection,” Hisoka continued.

“Didn’t you say something about not being able to sense my emotions?” Ed asked suspiciously.

“Aa. At first. There are times when I still can’t,” Hisoka replied coolly. “You’re probably protected by someone or thing that’s supernatural.”

Ed pondered over Hisoka’s words. Protected by something supernatural? The first thing that came to mind was the Gate. Ed quickly dismissed the idea. He hadn’t given anything. His mind strayed back to the earlier question. Why was he drawn to Tsuzuki? Ed wasn’t sure. But the first time they met…

“It’s his eyes,” Ed realised, speaking aloud. “Tsuzuki’s eyes… I’ve seen that shade before.”

_On Envy._

Ed was surprised by his thought. Envy’s name wasn’t laced with the hatred it should have. Envy had killed him. But, still… if he hadn’t frozen, or been so shaken up, Envy never would have had the chance. Besides… it was a kill or be killed situation. If Envy hadn’t killed Ed, Ed would have killed him. They both knew this. And for a second, Ed swore he saw hesitation.

_What happened to Envy?_

The Gate consumed him, right? Yes. Envy had become a sacrifice so Ed could return home. Hohenheim had announced it so simply. Envy had known, and if he truly hated Ed, he wouldn’t have let it happen so simply. And when he, Ed, destroyed the Gate… he had destroyed Envy. That thought shouldn’t bring guilt. Overall, Ed was beginning to doubt that they really had destroyed the Gate. When he had seen Al’s body at the Gate, hadn’t he seen hundreds of them? If anything, they had destroyed only two. The Truth would have probably restored them.

_It was for nothing._

That part was true. He had his brother, but hadn’t they drifted apart? Al had been with Noa, Ed had wanted a thrill. He should have realised after their journey they’d eventually separate. For brothers, they really were very different. Al had always been the type to want a fairly normal life, whereas Ed would constantly stir up trouble and experiment with alchemy. Ed had become addicted to the adrenalin.

“Elric.”

Ed glanced up, meeting Hisoka’s icy green eyes with a questioning face.

“Whoever that person is, you care about him a lot,” Hisoka informed him.

“Ha, yeah right! I hated him!” Ed announced, blissfully unaware of the changes to his cheeks.

“Sure, Elric,” Hisoka replied knowingly. “Come on, Tsuzuki’s waiting…”

Hisoka headed toward the door. Ed watched him go, frowning slightly.

_Being attached to Envy… doesn’t seem too weird._

*

“… and the apple pie and then the French cheesecake and…”

Ed rolled his eyes. How much more could Tsuzuki order? When Hisoka had suggested they go to “Chijou”, Tsuzuki had eagerly agreed and turned into a motor-mouthed ball of energy. Occasionally, when Ed glanced at him wearily, he could have sworn the purple-eyed man had randomly grown a dog’s tail and ears, his eyes sparkling with childish glee. It made Ed wonder… why did he see so much of an inhumane monster in such a kind man’s eyes? It couldn’t be purely the shade. And he had never seen Envy sincerely happy, whereas Tsuzuki was clearly such a cheerful, trouble-free man. Envy was anything but. No-one free of trauma could possibly dedicate over four hundred years to finding and killing someone.

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka said coolly, affection cracking through the ice. “The table won’t even hold all of that.”

Crestfallen, Tsuzuki cut his order down to a very large serving of apple pie, to the sheepishly grinning waitress’ joy. The pretty girl’s dark eyes rested on Ed, politely asking his preference. For the first time, Ed glanced down at the menu, horrified at the symbols he couldn’t recognise. Confusion spread through him before he announced a common dish he could remember from dialogue.

“Ramen,” Ed said, a bit too loud. “Uh…please.”

The waitress nodded, making a note. Why were these people so weird? All three looked foreign, and that handsome man with the brown hair had such beautiful eyes…

“Thank you,” she said, bowing politely. “Your orders will be here soon.”

“ _Sankyuu_!” Tsuzuki announced happily. Ed winced slightly.

Tsuzuki’s eyes suddenly rested on Ed’s, a kind smile crossing his features. Ed glanced away slightly, forcing a smile of his own. He chose to focus just bellow Tsuzuki’s eyes.

“So, Edo, you’re English, right?” Tsuzuki asked.

“Uh… you could say that,” Ed replied evasively. “I am – or was – a citizen of a lot of places. England’s one of them.”

“Ever been to France?” Tsuzuki asked thoughtfully. “They have nice pastries…”

Hisoka twitched. “Idiot.”

“They do!”

“Yeah, I went to France,” Ed announced, breaking the fight. “They’ve got a lot of great food.”

Tsuzuki’s eyes went starry and the puppy hallucination returned. “Kyaaa! I want to go there!”

Hisoka rolled his eyes again. “How many languages do you speak?”

Ed considered this. “I dunno. Some places I didn’t stay long enough to learn a lot, but I learnt a bit of each. The only ones I’m fluent in are English and German.”

“I see… why’s that?”

“I’ve been learning them both since I was born,” Ed let slip carelessly. “Uh… ‘cos my dad’s German and my mum’s English, you see?”

Tsuzuki looked convinced, but Hisoka was still wearing that indifferent face. Emotionless masks annoyed the hell out of Ed. If someone has the body and capability of expressing themselves, they should. His brother had been stuck in that faceless, haunting armour for years, with only his voice the link to however he was feeling. It had been difficult; it had been inhumane. Al had restrictions placed on him no-one should face. Why were there people who wouldn’t allow their face to express anything? It was a prison and it had to be lonely.

“How did you learn Japanese so well?” Tsuzuki asked curiously.

“Oh, I had a friend back home who was Japanese. He taught me some,” Ed replied. The only lie was the “Japanese”. It turned out Xing was a lot like Japan.

“Really?” Tsuzuki asked, smiling.

Ed nodded, wondering what had become of Ling. Had he finally managed to become Emperor? Ling was like a second brother to Ed. The time separated from everyone in Amestris had given him the time to realise his attachments.

Their food arrived, bringing with it Tsuzuki’s excited squeals. He loudly thanked the waitress, the cook and Enma (whoever that was) before diving into the slice. Ed was slightly put off, but chose to ignore the hyperactive reaction in favour of the miso broth.

_I still don’t understand. They’re nothing alike. Tsuzuki’s kind. Envy’s a homicidal maniac. I’ll never mange to understand anything in Envy’s mind. No matter how clear it is…_

“So… all we gotta do is find my trigger, right?” Ed asked. He knew the answer already, and so continued. “How can we be sure it’s even in this country?”

Tsuzuki took a bite of the pie, falling silent and chewing thoughtfully. “Well… wouldn’t it be one of the last things you remember?”

Hisoka agreed, albeit surprised his partner had made an intelligent and logical theory whilst devouring sugar – which soon resulted in one of their playful fights whilst Ed considered this suggestion.

Ed wasn’t certain what had made Al remember their journey. He had said something about not remembering after they had started the transmutation. What had been there? Ed, Al, the Gate and alchemy. And when Al had announced his memory’s return, it was the brothers and the Gate once more. It made sense. So all he had to do was remember the key factors of his last memory of life, find what was important in them and bring it all together. However, the only thing Ed could place other than the random pedestrians and occasional car was himself. He was certainly here. This whole thing made no sense.

“Edo…?” Tsuzuki inquired, snapping Ed from his thoughtful trance.

Ed glanced up, forcing a grin. “Sorry ‘bout that. Was trying to figure out what was important in that memory…”

“And you found nothing,” Hisoka stated, not even inquiring.

“Enough with the mind reading,” Ed fumed. “No, there’s nothing. One minute I was walking down the street the next I was in hospital.”

“What about after? Before you passed out… you were in a lot of pain, right?” Tsuzuki asked softly.

“Yeah, I dunno what that was. Just heaps of emotions hitting me, really hard and fast. Hate, love, fear, need… they were all so different, I thought I was going to explode,” Ed replied, voice getting lower and lower before finally, it struck him. “Like… years of emotions… seventy years of emotions hitting me at once…”

_…it’s clear that En is a nickname for Envy._


	5. In Line

Ed resisted the growing urge to groan. His legs were aching, the streets of Nagasaki barely noticed by his tired eyes.

“How the hell do dead people get tired?” he asked, stifling a groan.

“You’re in a temporary body; whenever you’re in the mortal world, you have a mortal body. And when you’re in Meifu, you’re a spiritual force,” Hisoka explained.

“…that still doesn’t make sense…” He jumped as a plane flew over-head. Ed glared up at the jet accusingly. “And when the hell did those things take over?”

Hisoka rolled his eyes. Tsuzuki, having lived for close to a hundred years, had a greater understanding; technology was a very scary thing, and to be suddenly assaulted by all these advancements at once would be extremely difficult.

“Edo, how about we go back to Meifu? You could read up and what’s happened in the past decades,” Tsuzuki offered.

“Can’t read Japanese,” Ed dead-panned.

“You could always read these things online,” Hisoka offered.

“…on… line? What, do you hang pages of books out to dry?” Ed asked, frowning.

Tsuzuki laughed nervously. “Maybe not.”

Ed sent him a confused glare. “Online?”

“On the internet,” Hisoka added. Before Ed could question, he continued. “The GuShoShin brothers would be able to find almost any information you’d want.”

Ed smiled slyly. “Anything, huh? Alright, then, let’s head back there.”

An hour later, Ed had successfully managed to forget the shock of floating chickens enough to question the GuShoShin brothers about this all-knowing line, important scientific advancements and the results of the Nazi up-rising. The latter resulted in mournful gazes; Ed instantly realised it had to be bad. He wasn’t surprised; that Hitler guy was clearly bad news.

“And, GuShoShin…” Ed asked, voice lowering slightly.

“Yes, Elric-san?” they chirped brightly.

“Is it possible for me to find out what happened to my little brother?” Ed asked, his voice caught between mourning and hoping.

The GuShoShin exchanged sad glances, wondering what they would feel if they lost each other, left with no clue as to what had become of the other. Instantly, they both nodded. “We’ll see what we can do, Elric-san!”

Ed smiled gratefully. “Thanks. His name’s Alphonse. Elric Alphonse.”

With a final nod and polite bow, the GuShoShin flew off, rushing to their clicking machines. Ed had no idea what they could find on those small rectangular boxes, opened like a side-ways book. Yet another wonder of their technological world.

Ed returned to the table where Tsuzuki and Hisoka waited, fighting over something or another. They were starting to remind him of people, but Ed couldn’t place exactly who.

“…not involved?”

“Why _would_ he be?” Tsuzuki replied wearily, hopefully even.

“I don’t know, but…” Hisoka glanced down to his arm sadly. It was covered by his jacket.

Tsuzuki’s gaze softened. “The curse is showing?”

“Aa.”

Rage filled Tsuzuki’s eyes, a hard hatred Ed couldn’t believe possible of the kind man. “Muraki… that bastard…”

Either Ed’s Japanese was worse than he thought or Muraki was a person. Ed took a step closer. “Who’s Muraki?”

Both Shinigami glanced up at him, eyes wide. “Edo, when did you come back?”

“Long ago enough to hear about this Muraki, clearly,” Ed replied smartly. His gaze fell on Hisoka. “Didn’t you sense me?”

Hisoka shook his head. Tsuzuki frowned.

“That’s so sudden…”

“Elric’s probably protected by someone or thing,” Hisoka replied with a shrug.

“Well, who’s Muraki? What’s he got to do with anything?” Ed asked, sitting down. He tilted his chair back onto two legs thoughtfully.

“Muraki is a murderer. He’s often involved in our cases,” Tsuzuki replied.

“Murderer?” Ed repeated. “I’ve only met one of them on this side.”

“…this side?” Hisoka questioned, his cold eyes accusing.

Ed flushed. “Uh, yeah… this side of my life! It’s a common phrase in English, guess not in Japanese, huh?” He forced a laugh.

_Whoever you are, dammit, protect me now!_

Neither Shinigami looked convinced.

“Well, what’s this murderer interested in?” Ed questioned, changing the subject. He regretted it at the pained looks spread across both faces; even Hisoka’s indifference was broken.

“He… he’s a doctor. He’s very interest in prolonging life, and bringing back the dead,” Tsuzuki murmured.

Ed’s eyes widened in horror. The seat slammed back onto four legs, his fists clenched as he recalled the pain of automail, the pain of his leg and arm being torn from his body and, most of all, the horror he had inflicted upon Al. When he spoke, his voice was shaky. Ed didn’t care. “Humans… humans can’t ever be brought back from the dead. No matter what you give, nothing is equal to a person’s soul.”

“Edo…”

Ed drew deep breath after deep breath. His entire body was shaking. To his left, he barely registered Hisoka’s gasp of pain over the images of the failed transmutation, as he desperate tried to reach Al as those creatures dragged him into the Gate, screaming desperately for Al’s return…

“Hisoka! Edo!”

Ed was snapped back to reality. He glanced up, seeing Tsuzuki by Hisoka’s side, the empath’s eyes wide. For the first time, Ed registered the fear and sorrow in those cold eyes. Tears leaked from Hisoka’s green eyes as Tsuzuki tried to soothe him.

“I… I’m sorry,” Ed croaked.

“Elric… that pain… that Gate…” Hisoka whimpered. “You lost everything… everything…”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed. “But we got it back.”

Tsuzuki watched the exchange with no understanding of what they spoke of, but he realised that Hisoka had found someone worthy of his respect. He continued to support his partner, kneeling beside Hisoka with an arm wrapped around the boy’s shoulders.

“But, Elric… that place wasn’t Earth,” Hisoka said, his voice strengthening with the accusation.

Realising his resistance was pointless, Ed shook his head. “I was born in Amestris; my world is almost exactly as this one was seventy years ago. Except, instead of machines, we had progressed greatly in _alchemy_. A science… where you take something, break it down to its elements and re-make it as something else.”

Tsuzuki’s eyes widened. “Edo…”

“Alchemy opens that door, the Gate… there’s a Gate leading to every alternate world in the universe. It holds all the knowledge of these worlds and stores them closest to that world. I… I’ve seen Amestris’ Gate. And I passed through it, ending up here. I’ve travelled through a few times between our worlds, but my brother and I sealed it so no-one can open it again,” Ed explained quietly.

“What was it, with that glowing circle…?” Hisoka asked softly.

A look of extreme guilt crossed Ed’s face. “We tried to bring our mother back from the dead.”

Shock and horror revealed itself on Tsuzuki’s face. Hisoka looked sad, mournful even.

“Alchemy has one strict law; to obtain, on must first give something of equal value. Equivalent trade. So, to revive a human… making the body is fairly easy. Humans are so cheap to make, since a couple of orphans could afford those chemicals. But the soul… putting them together…” Ed glanced down to his fists. “I lost my left leg. Alphonse… Al lost his entire body. I sealed his soul to a suit of armour in exchange for my right arm. We then vowed to regain our bodies. And… now we have…”

Neither Tsuzuki nor Hisoka had any idea of what to say. Silence followed Ed’s confessions for several long minutes, leaving the blonde to wonder just why he had announced it so easily. There was something about these two he knew he could trust, and talking about his losses and gains was always helpful. Ed hated to suffer alone, but this was often the best way to get things done. Their quest for their bodies was long over; the wounds weren’t nearly as painful as back when he was fifteen.

“I think I can see Muraki’s possible involvement now,” Tsuzuki said finally.

Hisoka merely nodded. “Is there anyone except your brother and you who came to this world?”

“Yeah. Our father, but he was killed,” Ed said, deciding “eaten” wasn’t appropriate. “Oh… and Envy, but he’s probably dead.”

_Why the hell does that idea upset me? Envy murdered me! This is so weird… what the hell happened to me?_

A frown crossed Hisoka’s face. “Elric, you shouldn’t deny your emotions.”

A twisted smirk crossed Ed’s face. “People shouldn’t care about their enemies; you can’t love someone who tries to kill you. It’s messed up.”

Ed rose from his seat, walking up to the GuShoShin he saw floating towards them. Hisoka watched with a curious frown. Tsuzuki watched his partner with a similar face.

“Hisoka…?”

“Whoever his enemy is, they aren’t anymore,” Hisoka informed his partner. “Does he even realise he’s in love?”

“Some people take a while, Hisoka.”

“…what’s with that look, Tsuzuki?” Hisoka asked coolly.

“Nothing!”

*

Ed’s eyes dragged over the articles, eyes wide with horror and brimming with tears. It was true, then. Both he and Al had given up on finding the uranium bomb; it was guarded too well and news was too hard to find. And this war… six million people slaughtered for their religion. Roma like Noa were also sent to these camps, along with homosexuals, the disabled and their supporters. How could anyone do something so cruel? Hughes had been a Nazi… did Hughes have a part in this? And Gracia too. Did Noa and Al escape? Too many people would have suffered. It wasn’t fair. Humans could be such vile creatures; to hate someone enough to kill everyone even slightly like them was unforgivable. The Homunculi hasn’t been so blind; Envy was kinder than that, much kinder.

Ed tried not to sob or cry. He tossed the Holocaust information aside, reading a summary of the second world-wide war. Two uranium, or atomic, bombs were unleashed, both in Japan. Ed remembered Hiroshima as he had seen it; a busy city with that beautiful glass dome standing tall and proud. Nagasaki had followed mere days later; how on earth had they managed to recover? That chemical was toxic and extremely contagious. No wonder there were so many plants and trees around Nagasaki…

Unable to stand it anymore, Ed allowed the tears to fall down his cheeks, glad to be alone. This article was also thrown aside, his hands shaking wildly. If he hadn’t given up, if he had done more…

_The war would have continued. You read the articles; thousands, even millions, of people would have died either way. It was cruel and inhumane, but so is war._

For some reason this didn’t kill his guilt. Ed searching with clumsy hands through the papers before finally finding a familiar black-and-white photo.

“Al…”

Quickly, Ed snatched up the report, eyes darting over it and absorbing every detail. A sad smile played at his lips. Al has escaped the Holocaust. Al had even spent two years searching for him. But, eventually, the warnings of the impending war became too great, and Al fled to America with Noa. It seemed both survived the war. It also seemed Al found Winry’s alternate self; this explained the two children. Ed grinned; they were named after himself and his mother; Edward and Trisha. Though, what really surprised him was Al becoming a teacher. Images of his kind brother yelling and beating children like Izumi came. Ed chuckled. Shock and horror crossed his features as he read that his brother had died in 1994 at the age of eighty-four. Regret consumed Ed. He had left his brother with no definite sign of his death, and now, Al was dead.

“I’m sorry… Al…” Ed whispered, swallowing heavily as he processed all this information. Genocide, world-wide wars, atomic bombs, abandoned brothers… everything was far too much. “Where the hell was I?”

Unable to fight it anymore, Ed allowed himself to break down into tears.


	6. Kiss

Two days passed. Ed found himself unable to speak of what he had read. After all that time, all the work they had put into being together and whole, a stupid accident and his adrenalin-obsessed mind caused their separating for not just years but decades. Ed acknowledged that he was a terrible brother long ago, but to leave his brother to die and suffer alone was a new level of low. Why had he felt the need to search? What had he even been looking for? There had to be more to it than boredom. How the hell did Envy and a Japanese tattoo fit into all this?

Ed growled as he turned on his side. He was currently occupying that weird Watari’s apartment; Watari more or less lived in his laboratory. Ed could relate; he had been similar when he was a state alchemist. Science was a demanding work, especially when you were dedicated to discovering something new. Though, exactly what Watari researched was a mystery to him. The scientist’s dedication did explain the unkempt state of his small apartment; the fridge, when opened, released a powerfully disgusting scent. The inside was so green Ed wasn’t even certain where the problem began. Dust lined the shelves and books thrown carelessly around. The newspaper sitting atop the television had yellow pages and faded script. More or less, it was a dump. Ed was grateful that the bedroom stayed in an inhabitable state.

 _I’m not finding anything here. Moping around never does anyone any good. Even if that bomb…_ Ed swallowed hard, fighting the acidic sensation ascending his esophagus, _was my responsibility to find, how could I do that when I was dead? How can I save Earth when I’m not on Earth?_

The logic made perfect sense; it did every time. But it couldn’t quench his burning guilt; people were still suffering today due to the bomb’s disease. So many people dying over the duration of one war seemed incredible. How many died in the Ishbal war? Were the numbers even comparable? A person dying was painful enough without knowing everything around you could be vaporized with the split of something microscopic.

But, if somehow he had managed to find and dispose of the bomb, what would have happened? The Japanese hadn’t expressed the desire to surrender. How much longer would people have been fighting? How many more would die? Thousands? Millions? And then, what would have become of Japan? Would it have become a nation under America’s rule?

Sighing heavily, Ed rolled back, eyes staring up at the ceiling. He brushed the hair from his face, his right hand resting against his forehead. Even in death everything was too complex. Ed could find no positive adjectives for so-called eternal rest.

Yet another mystery wormed into Ed’s mind. Who, or what, was randomly protecting him? He didn’t need protection from some mind-reading moody teenager. Hisoka looked fragile enough to be shattered by a well-placed flick. The first name that came to mind was Envy’s. Ed twitched slightly, quickly dismissing it. What would his murderer want to protect him from? Being killed by anyone else? It was a bit late.

_I’ll never know if I don’t search. Moping is pathetic! I have to remember! I have to, so I can die properly and find Al!_

Filled once more with the drive of being an older brother, Ed found himself leaping from the bed and clumsily landing in a pile on the floor. Wincing, Ed pulled himself to his feet before regaining his energy and rushing to the door, braiding his hair as he went.

Now all that remained was the issue of navigating through Meifu. It wasn’t a small place; Meifu was like a mirror world where only dead people lived and worked. It was purgatory, a world of dead stuck between Heaven and Hell. Ed praised himself for not completely freaking out over all of this – especially those chickens.

Ed found himself following the pink blossom trees, forever in bloom. He wondered how the trees never ran out of petals with so many dancing in the gentle breeze. Weren’t cherry blossoms a symbol of death or suffering? Ed was certain he had heard that somewhere. That definitely wasn’t an optimistic sign.

Up ahead, Ed found JuOhCho waiting. Glancing around for hyperactive girls, he headed inside. The Summoning department, home of the Shinigami, would have been difficult to find had he not recalled being dragged there by Yuma and Saya. Stupid cross-dressing-obsessed women had proved useful for once.

Ed made a beeline for Tsuzuki and Hisoka’s desks, unaware of the determination burning in his eyes once more. He slammed a hand down on Tsuzuki’s desk, a confident smirk tracing his lips. Tsuzuki jumped, eyes wide as he glanced up at Ed.

“We’re going back to Nagasaki. We’re gonna find that alley. I’m going to remember everything,” Ed announced boldly. He grinned. “ _On my honour as the Fullmetal Alchemist_!”

Tsuzuki smiled, clearly impressed by the change. “Alright, Edo. And we’ll get cake on the way!” One could almost see the love-hearts floating around Tsuzuki’s head as he considered his sugar options.

“Idiot. No cake,” Hisoka said coolly.

“But ‘Soka –”

“Don’t call me that!”

An hour later, Ed was almost regretting his decision. He couldn’t remember exactly where he had gone or where this alley he vaguely recalled was. Searching the entire city was too much work, especially since he couldn’t fly like the Shinigami. However, he simply couldn’t remember the location of the alley.

“What if we ask at the hospital?” Hisoka suggested after Ed’s twentieth complaint. “If we ask where Elric was found, there’s a chance that’ll be where he was, especially with all this world-travelling.”

“Good idea, ‘Soka!” Tsuzuki chirped.

“Tsuzuki…” Hisoka started menacingly.

“You’re blushing,” Ed informed him, sick of their antics. He smirked as the pale blush deepened before quickening his pace.

Naturally, Ed couldn’t enter the hospital; the chances of him being recognised were too great. So, after pulling together a “cunning” disguise (a white lab coat and glasses), Tsuzuki entered the hospital whilst Ed and Hisoka waited, hidden to the left of the tall building. An awkward silence rose between the two, neither sure what to say or do.

Two minutes passed. Ed was counting. He started to subtly observe his right arm, shuffling left foot experimentally. He could feel cold eyes observing him but remained nonchalant. Were his actions really that interesting to this kid?

“In your memory, you didn’t have a leg,” Hisoka said coolly. “How did you regain it?”

Ed shrugged. “I wish I knew. It just… happened.” He glanced away, across the road. A sudden sensation of déjà vu struck him as his eyes fell upon a large windowed shop. His eyes narrowing, Ed sprinted over, ignoring Hisoka’s protests.

_That shop… this place… did they reconstruct the entire city?_

He dashed straight past the glass and turned left, into the grey-lined alley. It was nothing special, but with every step, Ed was getting more and more dizzy. The splash of his boot in a puddle of water barely penetrated his mind over the typhoon of emotions.

_Hatepainloveneedlonginglovesadismdesirelovehateforginessunderstandingwantfearlonelinessloveneedhatepainloveneedlonginglovesadismdesirelovehateforginesslovehate_

Everything was dark and cold.

There was nothing here.

It was so quiet his beating heart sounded like a cannon. Boom, boom, boom…

He was completely alone.

“ _Are you here_?” he questioned. His voice was unusually hoarse; still it echoed back to him, blending with the racing beat of his heart.

Soon it was just the beat.

_“Stop screwing around!”_

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Tears came to his eyes as he collapsed to his knees.

_“Don’t… I’m not alone!”_

His heart said otherwise.

_“Stop… stop it…”_

“I’m here.”

He glanced up. A smile of relief crossed his lips as he found violet penetrating the black. _“Yeah, just like you said. You bastard, I thought you’d lied to me.”_

Ed stumbled to his feet, stepping closer to him. He wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing the other closer to himself and pressing their lips together.

_It’s different._

Everything melted away – the darkness, the thousand emotions, the words on his lips as he pulled back, his body growing heavier and heavier. His vision was so blurred all he could make out before giving in was shocked purple eyes and brown hair.

*

Ed scowled heavily. He leant against the other’s back, feeling his bones digging into him. He glanced around the bare scenery, too dark to be properly made out. Even if he could see it, he doubted it would be anything special.

“Why the hell did you do that?” he demanded snappily.

“’Cos I felt like it.”

“I thought you hated me!” Ed growled, his rage doubling at the other’s nonchalance.

“Who said that?”

“You did! When you stabbed me through the heart!” Ed screamed, glancing over his shoulder. Through the dark, he made out a pale cheek, an up-turned nose and spikes.

“You’d have done the same. It was me or you, and I never want to lose to a human.”

Ed growled loudly. “If humans are so pathetic, how could you be made by one?”

A dark chuckle reached his ears. “He used the Stone. The Stone and thousands of lives.”

“He?”

He nodded, before suddenly turning around. He pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed tightly. His gloved hands slammed onto Ed’s shoulder, locking him in place. “So, think about that, Mister Hero. If you’d have killed me, you’d have killed thousands of people. I saved you a lot of guilt and shame.”

“You bastard! Stop messing with –”

His eyes snapped open. Purple glared into gold. Ed’s eyes widened.

“Envy… you’re…”

His pupils weren’t demonic or slitted. They were round, as normal as any human with violet eyes can be. Before Ed could stutter out the final word, Envy forced their lips together.

_…you’re human._

Ed quickly shoved him away, blushing deeply. “What the hell are you thinking? I’m… you’re… we’re both men! And you killed me!”

“I wanted to kill you.” Envy glanced down at him with those amused violet eyes. Ed couldn’t tear his gaze away. “What do you get when you switch the double l with another double consonant?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Ed snapped. “What the hell is going on?”

“Double s. Kiss. Aren’t you a genius, pipsqueak?”

“WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-SHRIMP-WITH-A-TINY-BRAIN?”

“Guess that’s you.”

“SHUT UP! Let me out of here!” Ed cried furiously.

“Nuh-uh, don’t be rude, Edo.”

_Edo. First he kisses me, then a nickname? What the hell happened to him?_

_It’s working._

_What happened to me?_

*

Ed’s eyes snapped open once more. A blush spread across his cheeks as he rolled over, staring at his hands.

_I dreamt of Envy. Like that. What the hell is wrong with me? Kissing him… it was…_

“No!” Ed cried suddenly, sitting up harshly. He couldn’t recognise the area around him; everything was dark and foreign.

_I was just being weird. That dream means nothing. No matter how vivid it was, I don’t want to kiss Envy or be alone with him in dark places. Ever._

Ed groaned loudly, smacking a hand to his forehead. “I’m an idiot.”

_A park? How did I get here? Hospital, that alley… the darkness. And then I…_

Ed’s blood ran cold.

_I kissed Tsuzuki. And dreamt of kissing Envy._

Blushing heavily, Ed buried his face in his arms, his knees drawn to his chest. He shivered against the night’s chill.

“I really fucked up this time.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Muraki turns up. aka the dude who spends 90% of his time in canon laughing about raping people/murdering people/plotting to do both to his dead brother. Yeaaaaaaah.

The waves washed against the rocks with a crash before drawing back into the black abyss. Everything was dark, covered in coat after coat of shadows. The midnight sky was shielded by black clouds. The darkness seemed boundless, a never ending horror. But no matter how long and silent the night remained, it was always followed by light. This basic knowledge, the subconscious sense passed down for generations, didn’t stop children from crying. It didn’t stop anyone from being scared.

Ed sighed heavily. He didn’t fear the dark. It was oddly comforting; through the silence of a sleeping world, he would work and talk to Al for as long as he could manage. It wasn’t fair for his brother to be the only one living twenty-four hours completely conscious. Such ability was beyond the human imagination. No-one but Al would know the fears and loneliness of a silent night.

Sitting concealed amongst the bushes wasn’t comfortable. Ed’s knees were still drawn to his chest, his head resting sleepily on its side. Blonde hair slipped into his view but Ed didn’t have the heart to remove them. He was alone again.

_“That’s what you fear most, right?”_

_“…yeah.”_

_“That’s weak. Pathetic, really. Guess I’ll have to stay with you.”_

Tears seeped into his eyes. Ed blinked the liquid away, refusing to shed tears. Tears were weak. He wasn’t weak. He wasn’t pathetic. He wasn’t afraid of anything. Ed has nothing to cry over. They kept coming. He could feel the exodus being made once more. It was familiar to him. It was a sensation Ed could never forget. No matter how hard he tried, Ed never could resist the tears.

 _Did they leave me? Did they bring me here and go?_ Ed wondered, his heart twitching painfully. After what he had done, it was understandable. The feelings between the two Shinigami were obvious; Ed’s actions would do nothing but jeopardise them for nothing. He felt nothing for Tsuzuki. His powerful emotions were all for purple eyes. Ed has never expected to find another with such a shade. He had never wanted to. Envy was unique, just like Ed himself.

That memory alone couldn’t be worth the new emotions Ed was so accepting of. It wasn’t equal. His memory was improving. Snippets of conversation came to him several times over the past few hours of darkness. But why did that mean he was suddenly so accepting of what he and Envy had shared? Everything was too distorted.

The sound of foot steps echoed to Ed’s ears. He stiffened, before shifting to lie flat on his stomach, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Pure white shoes invaded his vision, clearly belonging to an adult male. Ed couldn’t help but sigh in relief. It wasn’t Tsuzuki.

Minutes passed. Ed frowned. Why wasn’t this stranger continuing on his way? What was so interesting that a mortal would stand completely still in the middle of this dark night for?

“Look to the moon, Shinigami,” a smooth voice advised. Ed’s eyes widened. He couldn’t see the moon from under these bushes, and if this stranger knew what a Shinigami was… wouldn’t he be dead? Reluctantly, Ed stood.

His first impression was clouded by confusion. The man before him was dressed in nothing but white. Perfectly creased white pants, a smooth white jacket and over the top of it all, a white trench-coat, surprisingly loose over his broad shoulders. A smirk adorned the man’s handsome features, square glasses sitting atop his nose. One eye was completely covered by silver hair, the other gleaming in the weak light, a matching abnormal colour. Ed had heard from Gracia in Munich about angels, the winged messengers of God wearing naught but white – if Shinigami were real, was this guy an angel? Eyes narrowing in renewed suspicion, Ed obeyed the stranger’s earlier command, his eyes turning towards the sky. He was amazed to find the black clouds gone. He was horrified by the moon, as red as fresh blood.

“What the…?” Ed’s gaze tore back to the stranger’s, eyes narrowed in rage. “What the hell did you do? Who are you?”

The stranger chuckled. “So you would be a new recruit? It would be quiet the miracle for a Shinigami not to know of me.”

“What makes you think I’m a Shinigami, you bastard?” Ed snapped. He didn’t like the way his sense were tingling so furiously. He wanted to run.

A silver eyebrow was raised. “Oh? It seems they get younger and more naïve.”

“WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-TINY-SHRIMP-LACKING-THE-ABILITY-TO-CARRY-A-DICTIONARY-YOU-ASSHOLE?” That was the last straw. This bastard needed to learn his place. Growling furiously, Ed clapped his hands together, slamming them against the stone ground. The blue light of a transmutation lit his face, blowing his hair around wildly. A stave emerged from the centre. Ed grabbed it eagerly, twirling it to point at this superior, extremely evil son-of-a-bitch.

“What a unique ability,” he observed. This man didn’t seem even slightly threatened. “You would be quiet the asset to my project.”

“Like hell I’d do anything for a superior asshole like you!” Ed snarled. “I’ll slit you fucking throat!”

The stranger wasn’t even irked. His lack of response was enough to double Ed’s rage. The man glanced away, before removing his glasses. His head turned back, the strands around his right eye shifting. Once again, Ed felt horror sliding through his veins. The second eye was abnormal – an electric blue colour with a demonically slitted pupil, scars tracing around it. It seemed to glow. Ed gasped, his head spinning wildly. He lowered his stave, steadying himself.

“Y-you’re a bastard…”

Footsteps reached his ears. Ed winced, eyes snapped tightly shut. Cold fingers skimmed across his cheek before settling under his chin, raising his head upward. Ed opened his eyes curiously before narrowing them. He was too close. Ed was shaking too much to move properly. An amused chuckle reached Ed’s ears.

“I expected as much.”

“Leave me alone, dammit…”

“I’d rather not, Elric-san,” the man said, bemused. “I know what it is you desire. I know where it is.”

Ed scoffed. “And the catch…?”

The man chuckled again. “A simple favour.”

Ed didn’t like the sound of that. He growled, smacking the man’s pale hand away. “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care. I don’t like the sound of that equivalent exchange.”

“Edo!”

Ed stiffened. He glanced over his shoulder, eyes wide. Tsuzuki was sprinting hurriedly their way, fuda in hand. Hisoka followed mere steps behind, hatred burning in both men’s eyes.

“Tsuzuki… Hisoka…” Ed breathed. He glanced away, ashamed.

“Tsuzuki-san.”

Tsuzuki was trembling with rage. “Muraki,” he spat quickly, like he wanted the poisonous name as far from his lips as possible.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“Wait…” Ed said suddenly, piecing it together. “This guy is the mass-murderer and stalker? I thought he was a paedophile!”

Something in Tsuzuki’s gaze made Ed uncomfortable.

“Elric,” Hisoka beckoned. Ed hesitated slightly before nodding, rushing to Hisoka’s side. Muraki chuckled yet again.

“I suggest that you hand Elric-san over to me, _bouya_.”

“No,” Hisoka replied, voice layered with hatred.

“A doll should follow its master’s orders,” Muraki said coolly.

“He’s not your doll!” Tsuzuki yelled furiously. Ed was frightened by the hard hatred lining Tsuzuki’s face. It was like the man would desire nothing more than to hang, drawn and quarter Muraki. Whatever it was that had occurred between those two was clearly unforgivable. “And you can’t use _anyone_ in your selfish trials anymore, Muraki! I won’t ever let you!”

Muraki appeared angry for mere seconds before his deceivingly handsome features settled into amusement once more. “Elric-san is aware of the – what were his words? Ah, yes, “equivalent exchange”. I know the location of his greatest desire and he has mine.”

Ed growled. “Don’t you dare assume you know what I want, you arrogant bastard! You harass me in the middle of the night, call me an idiot, call me SHORT and then you dare to touch me and demand an EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE! You DON’T know what I want, DAMMIT! You’re a villain; you’re an evil, selfish asshole. VILLIANS GET NO EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”

Panting heavily, Ed glared intensely at the silver-haired man. Tsuzuki was amazed, Hisoka looked almost admiring. Muraki’s expression was blank. He reached under his trench-coat, before flashing a flat piece of glossy paper knowingly. He threw it to the ground.

“That, Elric-san, is a photograph of him,” Muraki announced. “I expect I’ll see you later. Until then, Elric-san.” He turned, elegant shoes sounding his retreat.

Ed growled. Tsuzuki bent down, studying the fallen image. A sound of surprise escaped his lips. Hisoka rushed to Tsuzuki’s side, glancing over his partner’s shoulder at the image.

“Elric…” Hisoka said quietly.

Rolling his eyes, Ed stomped to their side. He moodily snatched the photograph from Tsuzuki’s hands, barely making out the image in the dark. Purple eyes gleamed up at him, a smirk caressing the familiar pale face framed by green hair. He even had the head-band. Tears once again flooded Ed’s eyes as his hands curled into fists. He couldn’t hear the words of the Shinigami. The warnings didn’t even reach his ears. Ed was already stepping after Muraki, determination set in his golden gaze.

“Edo!” Tsuzuki cried loudly.

“It’s Envy,” Ed blurted out, his voice shakier than he had predicted. “Why… how… this is really, really fucked up!”

“Edo. Muraki is a maniac. He can’t be trusted, not ever,” Tsuzuki said firmly.

“Like I care!” Ed cried. His heart seemed to be flattening itself.

Hisoka flinched. “Elric… Muraki’s too unpredictable to be trusted. I can’t even understand what he feels.”

“You think I’m stupid?” Ed cried. “I’m not risking anything for ENVY. He’s not worth it.” With a growl, Ed released the crumpled photograph, turning storming away in the opposite direction Muraki has taken. He didn’t know where he was going, but the action itself was comforting.

_“I wanted to kill you. What do you get when you switch the double l with another double consonant?”_

_“What’s that got to do with anything? What the hell is going on?”_

_“Double s. Kiss. Aren’t you a genius, pipsqueak?”_

_I don’t want you to kiss me. Never again._

*

“Edo…”

“No.”

“But if you…”

“No, Tsuzuki.”

“If we find…”

“I never want to see him again,” Ed replied icily.

Tsuzuki glanced back at Hisoka desperately. Hisoka sighed lightly, shrugging. The Shinigami continued through the cherry blossoms behind the enraged blonde.

“I can remember it all by myself,” Ed announced. “After I passed out I remembered stuff. Then when I get sleepy I remember more. I just need to sleep.”

_White lies never really hurt anyone._

“Denial won’t help you in anyway, Elric. It’ll just get more people hurt,” Hisoka said coldly. The young Shinigami then turned, walking back through the falling petals with a heavy aura of hatred. Tsuzuki glanced from Ed to his retreating partner before following along the same path.

“It’s okay, Edo. It’s okay.”

Sinking to the ground, Ed leant back against the nearest tree. How could they both be so sure? Nothing was okay. These foreign and strange emotions couldn’t belong to him. Someone was messing with his mind, making him feel the sin taboo all over again. Last time he gave into a taboo he had lost his brother’s body, his arm and leg – hundreds of thousands of lives had been lost. His history wasn’t going to repeat itself. Ed wouldn’t be able to live through it.

_“Double s. Kiss. Aren’t you a genius, pipsqueak?”_

_I am. A genius wouldn’t give in. A genius would stay the hell away from you._

_“Guess I’ll have to stay with you.”_

_No. Never. Leave me the hell alone! I don’t WANT you!_

“I’m not in denial,” Ed murmured aloud. “Who could love their enemy? Their murderer?”

Hisoka was wrong. Complete honesty was more damaging than lies. The truth ends with broken hearts, shattered dreams. If everyone had been completely honest with him during his quest years ago… Ed didn’t want to consider how quickly he would have given up.

Tsuzuki was wrong. It was never okay to feel these things for an enemy, not even for a second. There were no sins within the growing relationship between the two Shinigami. Neither could understand.

_Anything we had means nothing now. Envy is nothing._

Ed wished it was that easy.


	8. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *buries face in hands* Gravitation.

_Did he always glare at me like that…?_ Ed wondered, fidgeting uncomfortably. _No. Before was nicer. It’s like he’s gonna kill me._

Ed shifted, avoiding the narrowed green glare. _Green and purple seems to be everywhere._ He stiffened, surprised with his own thought. Where had it come from? Sure, Tsuzuki and Envy had the same eyes. His memory earlier, the one with actual images to match it, had revealed this fact. Somehow, for some reason beyond Ed’s understanding, Envy had regained humanity. The Truth had given the Homunculus, an ultimate sinner, a second chance. What had Envy lost to deserve such a gift?

Shaking his head furiously, Ed stared at his flesh hands, clasped tightly together, almost in prayer. Hisoka’s eyes were green, yes, but they were like rings of grass, grass at its richest and purest. Envy’s hair was dark green, like a pine-tree in the sunlight, other times there was merely a hint of green amongst clumps of black. Hisoka was nothing like Envy and shouldn’t spark such heavy remembrances.

_Why…_

All he was left with was wonder. Losing his memories, losing his family, losing his life – how had it all happened? What had Ed possibly gained from losing everything? His head constantly ached from the thoughts.

Ed was always so tired…

_“It won’t hurt you if you sleep.”_

_“‘It’ isn’t what I’m worried about!”_

_“Alright; I promise I’ll never hurt the almighty Fullmetal Alchemist whilst he’s sleeping.”_

_“You think your promises are worth anything to me you bastard?”_

Fists shaking, Ed scrapped his chair back, quickly storming from the room, announcing his exhaustion. He would return to the hideout of Watari’s apartment, away from glares and concerned eyes, where he could find some way to waste his time and avoid the haunting voices penetrating his weakened mind. Ed refused to sleep; should he slip into slumber, his stubborn barriers would shatter away, leaving him unprotected from the awkward truth. As he slammed the apartment door shut, Ed shuddered. He wouldn’t give in yet. This was all some big conspiracy, dreamt up by some bastard with too much time on his hands. All the recent events were some kind of hoax – no, better. His entire life since his mother’s death was some twisted attempt to see a perfectly normal and wonderful child such as himself torn into a collection of shining tears. Growling, Ed realized the mastermind behind his so-called horror. Mustang – only the Colonel Bastard would be such an asshole.

Nodding with determination, Ed decided to bore the spying bastard into rewinding his life, giving him the chance to rewrite his so-called mistakes, all the fault of a lazy colonel who would do anything to avoid paperwork and ruin Ed’s life. Sinking down on the coach, Ed examined the black-rimmed box cautiously. He had seen another Shinigami watching one of these in the office, a man with demonic ears and marks rimming his eyes and a cigarette dangling from his lips. The nameless Shinigami briefly reminded Ed of Jean Havoc, but the blonde then recalled the fact that Havoc did not have a “disturb-and-I’ll-kick-your-lame-ass” aura.

Frowning in confusion, Ed prodded several buttons. This box didn’t have any dramatic music yelling from it, nor any police officers stubbornly cashing a criminal in their car, guns blazing as men hung out the windows and screamed threats at each other. Was it broken? Ed scanned the room, searching the clutter for an answered. A grin spread across his features as golden eyes fell upon a box, an image matching the black-framed box proudly displayed on its yellowing front. Above it was a smaller, sleeker box with a silver rectangular object on its front. Ed recognized it as the object resting atop the black-framed box. Ever curious, he raided these boxes, excavating control manuals from between Styrofoam wedges.

After an hour juggling the multilingual manuals and a dictionary he had stalked to the library and demanded (The GuShoShin twins had taken a while to find Ed’s preferred language, but for such a determined and clearly book-crazy customer, the flying chickens hadn’t been able to refuse), Ed had dubbed himself an expert and proceeded to program the television and DVD player.

Curiously, Ed scanned the collection of boxed DVDs Watari had, wondering why a person who was never home wasted money on them. Shrugging, Ed glanced over the covers. All displayed curiously dressed drawings, but none stood out to him – until Ed glanced closer and read the title of two cases.

 _Gravitation? That’s a scientific principal._ Ed realized, frowning lightly. Curious, he obeyed the almighty multilingual manuals and dispensed of the first disk into the silver player before residing back onto the coach, watching closely.

As the theme song played, something told Ed this wasn’t particularly scientific.

*

_“Hold me closely  
Hold me slowly  
Hold me tightly  
So even my soul breaks.”_

A confused frown twisted across Ed’s features as on screen the pink-haired protagonist collapsed, burying his face in his hands as the gentle ending theme began. Quickly, he grabbed the DVD’s remote control and pressed the arrow marked “next”, horrified when the title menu reappeared.

“That can’t be _it_! What the hell? What’s up with Yuki? Why was Shuichi crying? And when the _hell_ is Yuki gonna confess his undying love? AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THE DAMN RABBIT? IS IT A BEAR OR WHAT?” Ed shrieked. Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People…

…And _Gravitation_ fan-boy.

Ed ground his teeth together, glaring with rage at the screen. “Curse you Watari… CURSE YOU!” Infuriated, the blonde jumped to his feet, ignoring their shakiness after two hours and forty minutes of romantic comedy anime. Ed never had enjoyed fiction, finding it a waste of time. But now, he was dead, dead and stuck in purgatory. What better way to waste time?

What had amazed him was the connection and empathy he was feeling for Shuichi, a young man determined to fulfill his dream. Incidentally, the actions he took in reassuring himself of his skill lead to him falling hopelessly in love with an even more hopeless person. But still, despite the odds and challenges, Shuichi perused both his dreams, finding a dysfunctional balance between love, work and duty. Ed didn’t know why he was currently so obsessed with this series, or how he even felt connected to drawings, but he needed more _Gravitation_!

Cursing angrily, Ed stormed back to the Summoning Department offices, vaguely aware of the midday bustle. He would demand to be taken to Earth and there he would find more _Gravitation_ DVDs, however many more would complete the series.

His plan, however, was quickly foiled.

“Edo! You’re just in time!” Tsuzuki cried cheerfully, arms open wide in welcome.

Ed observed the ecstatic man cynically. “How much sugar does he put in his coffee?”

“It wasn’t sugar. He drank one of Watari’s potions,” Hisoka replied icily, not even looking up.

“…Is that a bad thing?”

“It’s a stupid thing.”

“But ‘Soka-a-a-a! Watari promised to treat me to sake this weekend,” Tsuzuki cried.

“What the hell kind of potion was it?” Ed asked, doubting that any brew could alter a person. Once again, just as he was about to voice his doubt, a chicken floated past. He clamped his mouth shut. It was like one of Shuichi’s tantrums – you just act calm and keep talking like nothing’s wrong and it will go away.

“It was a…” Tsuzuki started, immediately dropping when he realised he has never asked. “A SEX-CHANGE POTION!”

Ed gagged. Hisoka sighed. Everyone in the office seemed to look up, even the addicted smoker watching television. To Ed’s amazed horror, none of them looked surprised; just irritated at the loud distraction.

“Idiot,” Hisoka muttered.

“’Soka-chan, do you remember when we first met?” Tsuzuki asked, dropping to sit on the floor by his partner’s chair, eyes twinkling.

“Yes. It was only a year or two ago.”

Tsuzuki suddenly burst out laughing. “Hey, hey, Edo… Hisoka got drunk!”

Hisoka blushed. “Idiot, it was your fault.”

Tsuzuki’s smiled twisted, the corners drooping in sorrow. “My partner before you lasted for one case. That was the one case where he met his suicidal cousin.” He crossed his arms on the desk’s edge, pillowing his head from the sharp angle. “I’ve had… So many partners…”

A hint of alarm hit Hisoka’s features, like he had heard this nostalgic chatter before. Ed found his eyes widening as Hisoka’s hand found Tsuzuki’s sleeve, gripping it tightly, like a lost child reunited with his mother. The action alone screaming a deep refusal to let go, but Hisoka soon added calm words. “And you’re not going to have anyone else.”

“Hisoka…” Tsuzuki breathed, lifting his head and gazing into his partner’s eyes.

 _How sweet. They had better not kiss with me watching._ Ed thought loudly, praying the empath heard. Judging from the pink blush and raised pen, he did.

“Tsuzuki? Why am I just in time?” Ed asked, changing the subject.

Tsuzuki grinned. “Be-e-e-cause! I just remembered the name of a great restaurant, we’re going there for lunch!”

“You seem to be remembering a lot today,” Hisoka observed.

Ed raised an eyebrow. “Memory potion?”

Tsuzuki and Hisoka exchanged glances.

“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m a genius, I’ve heard it all my life,” Ed announced smugly, switching to a more fitting pronoun.

“Elric, your “ore-sama” is offending people,” Hisoka dead-panned.

Ed glanced at the disgusted looks around the room. “They shouldn’t be listening in!”

“I’m just amazed that Watari was actually working,” Tsuzuki murmured.

“Tatsumi can be very persuasive.”

The three glanced over their shoulders simultaneously, greeted by a winking scientist and his bird. He promptly poked Tsuzuki’s forehead. “How’s my new potion working?”

“He’s giddy and nostalgic all at once,” Hisoka replied coolly.

“Am not!”

“And he’s remembering restaurants more than anything.”

Watari made a noise of consideration. “Edo, you like food, right?”

Ed, ignoring the question, was pondering why he kept expecting Watari to pull out a machine gun and perform a Hawkeye-like display of skill. Suddenly, it hit him. “Watari, do you know that you look like _Mister_ K?”

Shocked, Tsuzuki glanced between the equally as shocked scientist and the blonde alchemist several times before exploding with laughter. Watari blushed slightly whilst Ed grinned cruelly. Tsuzuki tried several times to mime the action of a gun firing but was shaking too much to manage.

“Elric looks some-what like Yuki,” Hisoka countered calmly for the stunned Watari. “Only shorter and much more effeminate.”

Ed twitched. “WHO-THE-HELL-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-MIDGET-SHRIMP-WHO-IS-SO-COLD-AND-GIRLY-AND-SHORT-HE-CAN’T-HANDLE-EMOTIONS-OR-A-BOYFRIEND-HUH?”

Hisoka raised an eyebrow.

“…Oh.”

The light-brown haired teenager merely nodded.

Ed crossed his arms sulkily, quickly trying to change the subject. “Do I even need to eat any more?”

“Yes, until you completely pass on. You just don’t need to as much,” Tsuzuki replied. “Which is great! Food is nice!”

Hisoka rolled his eyes.

“Hey, so… You’ve almost figured that potion out, right?” Ed asked, curiously. “Which means I’ll be completely dead soon…”

“Yup.”

Ed glanced away shiftily. “…Do they have anime in Heaven?”

Judging by the silence, none of Ed’s current companions had expected that question.

“Um… Well, none of us know what’s there after you die,” Watari replied. “But there had damn well better be!”

Ed nodded, agreeing. He wanted to see how Shuichi drags a confession out of Yuki.

*

The restaurant was crowded, several people seated at every bench. Tsuzuki immediately lead them up a staircase to a much less crowded area and cheerfully sat at a bench. Ed slid opposite him, sending Hisoka a pointed stare. Catching on, the empath seated himself beside Tsuzuki, a fine blush dusting his cheeks. Tsuzuki remained oblivious.

“This place is great! It’s a chain from America, but who cares? _All-You-Can-Eat_ , the sweetest English phrase of all time!” Tsuzuki cried, before breaking off into the Pizza Song.

Several people adjusted their seating positions in the tables around them.

“So, what, do we just go grab food –” Ed asked, signalling to the heated silver table behind them surrounded by two other similar tables dressed with pizza, desserts and salads, “– or are we meant to wait for a waitress and pay first?”

Tsuzuki rushing towards the pizzas was all the answer he needed.

Almost an hour and ten slices of pizza later, Ed found himself almost full. Hisoka hadn’t even eaten half a pizza and was clearly bored whilst Tsuzuki must’ve eaten two entire pizzas on his own. The purple-eyed Shinigami was now investigating the desserts.

“Will he ever get tired?” Ed asked with a groan. “I wanna go find _Gravitation_ before I die.”

Hisoka shrugged. “If we drag him away and he hasn’t had any sugar, we’ll suffer greatly.”

Ed sighed, nodding. “I guess…”

A waiter walked in, long hair tied up into a pony-tail. Something about the style of the black locks caught Ed’s eye, but he figured it must have been the scent of the pizza he carried. Moodily, the waiter dispensed of the dish, swiftly turning, ready to march away. Anger lined his pale face as he scanned the room, locking eyes with Ed before storming off. A flash of purple registered in his mind.

“Hisoka…” Ed started airily.

“What is it?”

“Did you see that waiter just then?” Ed asked, shaking.

“Was it a waiter or a waitress?” Hisoka asked straight back.

“Neither.”

“…What?”

“That was… That was Envy.”


	9. Waiter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsuzuki and Hisoka go after Envy the Waiter and discover he's living as a high school student called... *grits teeth* Yuki.

Ed watched, his mouth hanging in shock. _Envy_. It was Envy. Envy was working in a pizza shop. _ENVY!_

“Would it be possible to use your Shinigami-powers to kidnap him right now?” Ed question.

“Not with all these people around,” Hisoka replied, eyes darting around.

“Screw the civilians, it’s _Envy_!”

Envy stormed past them and behind the kitchen’s door. Hisoka ran his eyes over the irritated form curiously. A jolt of jealousy twisted through Ed, who found himself glaring at the light-browned haired Shinigami venomously.

“His name-tag says otherwise,” Hisoka observed. A small, amused smile bloomed with the words that followed. “He’s Yuki, apparently.”

Ed smirked, a small chuckle escaping him. “Then I’m Shuichi.”

Tsuzuki bounced back to the table, seating himself beside Hisoka, staring at the sickening collection of sweets in his bowl adoringly. Both Ed and Hisoka glared at him impatiently.

“Why’s everyone so mean so suddenly?” Tsuzuki whined, cowering from the aura.

“We found Elric’s boyfriend,” Hisoka replied nonchalantly. “But we’d better wait until you’re done stuffing yourself.”

Tsuzuki blinked in surprise. “You found him and you’d wait for me? I knew you loved me, ‘Soka-cha-a-a-an!”

Hisoka blushed. “Idiot! I was being _sarcastic_. Hurry the hell up!”

Tsuzuki whined.

“So, what, are you two gonna go invisible or something?” Ed questioned. “He didn’t recognise me. We’d know if he did.”

Hisoka shook his head. “We’re not doing anything yet.”

Ed’s eyes narrowed, his fists slamming against the table. “So we’re just gonna let this go? We’ll just ignore that this ever happened?” he roared.

“Elric! Calm down!” Hisoka hissed. “We won’t _ignore_ it. We don’t even know if he’s dead or alive yet.”

“ _You_ don’t but I do! He never was alive!” Ed cried hysterically. “He… he… let me get him! Let me see him!”

“Edo,” Tsuzuki said, his voice unusually deep and stern. “We honestly cannot do anything yet. We’ll leave here, return to Meifu, and from there, we’ll demand a budget off Tatsumi and start a surveillance meeting.”

Ed’s glare doubled in venom. “And if he’s left here? What if he leaves this city? And, hell… this is Tokyo!”

“We’ll find him.”

Shaking, Ed stood and stormed from the restaurant.

*

It was times like these Ed realised that having a two flesh hands wasn’t nearly as intimidating. Panting heavily, he glared up at the blue-eyed secretary, his fists curling and aching to knock those square glasses right off the bastard’s smug face. The reminders of a certain colonel were not welcome.

“Listen here, you asshole! You’re gonna give us the money or I’ll transmute a giant monkey and then you’ll be paying a hell of a lot in damages!” Ed cried, arms rising. He stared at his fists. “Or I’ll settle for a fist in your smug face!”

He almost missed arguing with the bastard colonel when the shock hit Tatsumi’s face. Tatsumi, however, bounced back quickly, covering the surprise and glancing down at his clipboard. “I can provide thirty-thousand yen. That should be sufficient if Tsuzuki-san keeps to the food budget.”

“He will,” Hisoka muttered, glaring poisonously towards the whimpering Shinigami. Ed blinked heavily to remove the dog-human hybrid he saw for several seconds.

“And Elric-san shall be staying in Meifu,” Tatsumi added as an after-thought.

“WHAT?” Ed shrieked. “YOU MEAN YOU’RE GONNA KEEP ME AWAY FROM ENVY FOR EVEN LONGER? THERE’S NO WAY I’D AGREE TO THAT! TRY AND STOP ME!”

Tatsumi remained calm this time, ignoring the whimpers falling from Tsuzuki. “It’s obvious you would only jeopardise the mission. You’ll rush in and have no consideration for this… Envy. Did you even consider whatever happened to you could have happened to him?”

Ed clenched his teeth. “Envy would _never_ forget me!” He found himself with no reassurance other than the burning hatred and obsession Envy had had for him for all of Ed’s life. What if Envy too had forgotten whatever happened to them? Would he be back to his obsessive, murderer former self? Ed was amazed to find that he would rather remain completely in the dark than see Envy killing again. It would be too painful to see everything undone. “Fine, I’ll stay here. But you better bring Envy back!”

Ed once again found himself ignoring everything around him as he stormed off.

*

It was getting darker by the minute. Hisoka knew it; there was no way a substantial amount of time was passing as he and Tsuzuki hid in a tree outside an apartment compound, tired of flying and invisibility. For once, everything was perfectly silent between them. No, he shouldn’t say for once; there had been plenty of times he and Tsuzuki had stopped talking in each other’s company. During cases, however, it was unusual for there to be no sounds. Flashes of high flames and his own sobs came to mind. Hisoka shuddered. He shouldn’t have let Tsuzuki’s emotions get so out of whack. Everyone was entitled to their moments of weakness, especially after an innocent dies. When Tsuzuki nearly erased his own soul back in Kyoto… _That_ had been too far. Had Hisoka listened to Tatsumi, had he not realised he would rather not exist than be without Tsuzuki, he would be gone. Subconsciously, Hisoka shifted closer. Tsuzuki noticed but said nothing, shifting his own hand along the branch without a reason.

No words were needed as the stars shined brighter.

“We’re going to the hotel,” Hisoka stated blandly, hiding his shiver. “We won’t find anything tonight. Not from this distance.”

Tsuzuki nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll start the proper stalking tomorrow.”

*

_“Ore-sama wa…”_

“Edo-o-o-o!”

Lazily, Ed sat up. “What?” he inquired sulkily, eyes narrowed at the bouncy scientist with a tiny owl circling his head.

Watari’s grin widened as he held up two things. One was a conical flask filled with a white liquid. Ed shuddered and glanced to the other hand. His mouth dropped.

“Is that…?”

“Yup!” Watari said, nodding enthusiastically. “Disk three!”

Before Ed could reach out longingly for the DVD, Watari had bounced around to the front of the coach, shaking his head at the screen. The cackling white-haired cartoon waved a card dramatically before the screen panned around a group of horrified on-lookers. Watari changed the channel before dropping the disk into the waiting player. He then whirled around carefully before shoving the beaker into Ed’s hands.

“It’s the memory potion,” Watari grinned. “And I promise it works. I had a test-subject this time.”

Something about the evil glint in Watari’s eyes lead to Ed’s silence. He studied the formula, sniffing it testily and swirling the fluid. “It looks and smells like milk.”

“Well, turns out milk was the secret ingredient and –”

Ed’s nose wrinkled in disgust. “I’m not drinking _anything_ that has been secreted from some cow! It’s disgusting! Absolutely disgusting!”

“Well, it doesn’t _taste_ like milk,” Watari replied. “Wouldn’t you drink milk to know what happened to you? And so you know _why_ your lover ignored you?”

“How did –” Ed started, before stopping. He studied the liquid one final time before shaking his head. The Fullmetal Alchemist feared _nothing_. He threw back his head, draining the entire flask before gagging in disgust. “It’s _awful_! It tastes disgusting! Just like milk, you _liar_!”

Watari was already sitting beside him on the couch, eyes glued to the screen as the theme song started. Ed fell silent.

*

Hisoka forced Tsuzuki awake and out of bed before dawn struck. They were waiting, invisible, outside Envy’s apartment building by six-thirty. Already the bustle of Tokyo was becoming obvious as they waited, careful to be away from the walkways and roads. Just because they were invisible didn’t mean they weren’t solid, as Tsuzuki forgot on occasion.

“Tsuzuki,” Hisoka whispered, his eyes narrowing. “That’s him.”

Tsuzuki nodded, silently scanning the teenage boy. His skin was deathly pale, a complete contrast to his black hair, tamed back in a swishing braid. A high-collared uniform and briefcase-like brown bag made his destination obvious.

“Why’s he a student?” Tsuzuki murmured.

Envy stiffened slightly before quickening his pace, waves of rage rolling from the stomping figure. Hisoka frowned heavily.

“I’m more concerned about why he’s so angry at himself,” Hisoka replied lowly before following several metres behind the so-called teenager.

The two Shinigami followed Envy closely, growing more concerned with every metre. Not once did Envy glance over his shoulder or stare curiously at an invisible person like the other pedestrians; no matter what Hisoka and Tsuzuki did, Envy made no signs of hearing other than a fraction of rage added to his aura. By the time they reached Envy’s plain high school, Hisoka became aware of where Envy’s rage was directed. He was so furious with himself, but why Hisoka couldn’t understand why.

As Envy entered the building, Tsuzuki whipped out his hidden and completely unnecessary glasses with a flourish. Hisoka rolled his eyes, knowing perfectly well what was coming. Come tomorrow he would be posing as a student once more. His placement was easy; place a phone call or two and enrol a new student, whipping up a fake credit card number and excuse in the process. Tsuzuki’s was much harder. Last time, Tsuzuki had replaced the history teacher. Hisoka remembered the incident with a grimace, which quickly became a shudder. Tsuzuki needed no reminders of Kyoto, and neither did Hisoka. It was better if they didn’t speak of it. Not this soon.

As with the incident with Minase Hijiri over a year ago, Tsuzuki was replacing the school nurse who came down with a sudden inexplicable illness. Their alias were set; all they could do for now was watch and wait.

It was Envy who came to Tsuzuki early the next day.

“Hey, Kashiru-sensei!”

Tsuzuki glanced up, the surprise between the two mutual.

“Oh. Where’s Kashiru-sensei? I need a note,” Envy asked smoothly, an edge of ice hitting his voice.

“Kashiru-san became ill very suddenly – the very best to her. I’m the replacement,” Tsuzuki replied, unable to keep the excitement from his voice.

“…As I just said, I need a note, so could ya gimme one?” Envy questioned sarcastically.

“Not without a good reason,” Tsuzuki shot back brightly.

Envy sighed. “I’ve gotta go see my… doctor. Emergency ‘n’ all, so hurry up.”

Tsuzuki raised his eyebrows. “Youth these days… So rude! I’m not letting you go without a proper explanation. You seem perfectly fine to _me_.”

Envy growled. “Be- _cause_ , old fart. I’ve been hearing voices and having delusions a-a-again.” His words were like an ice cube being slid down Tsuzuki’s back. “And the crappy meds didn’t do anything. So you’re going to write me a note before I lose my temper and end up snapping a few limbs.”

“Okay,” Tsuzuki replied, trying and failing at not sounding alarmed. He picked up a pen, writing a formal note of excusal. “Out of curiosity… who’s your doctor?”

Envy snatched up the note. “I have three.” And with that, he stormed away, his braid narrowly avoiding Tsuzuki’s face.

“What does Edo _see_ in that?” Tsuzuki murmured crossly. “I’m not _that_ old!”

A page for Kurosaki Hisoka echoed around the school building eerily.

*

“LET ME GO! LET ME GO! THIS IS AGAINST MY HUMAN RIGHTS! I’LL KILL YOU ALL!”

Tsuzuki flinched as he walked into the office. The screeches quite clearly came from Watari’s lab where he had no doubt the eccentric scientist was testing his skills with a rope. A rumour which had been bouncing around this office questioned _how_ he used these rope-skills and what part a certain icy secretary had. Great, now he had a head-ache from the disturbing cries and mental images he’d rather surrender chocolate than picture.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DEAD? I AM NOT DEAD! I NEVER WAS! NEVER! FUCK OFF YOU CRAZY BASTARD!”

“Edo, shouldn’t you go control him?” Tsuzuki questioned through a groan. Ed nodded before passing Tsuzuki and dashing to Watari’s lab, a clear lift in his steps.

Ed threw the door open, forcing a stern, no-nonsense-young-man look. It immediately faltered at the image before him. Envy was tied to a straight-backed wooden chair, still in his dark waiter uniform and struggling madly. Red rage revealed itself in his face, his eyes narrowed and mouth screaming.

“Cut it out,” Ed ordered, before stiffening slightly in anticipation.

“NO! I DEMAND THAT YOU UNTIE ME, SHORTIE!”

“WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-TINY-SHRIMP-WHO-GETS-CRUSHED-BY-A-SINGLE-STRAND-OF-YOUR-PALM-TREE-HAIR-WHY-DID-YOU-MAKE-IT-BLACK?” Ed screamed straight back.

Envy smirked mockingly. “Quite a set of lungs on you, eh pipsqueak?”

It felt like a sledgehammer collided with his brain. Wincing, Ed ignored the pressure, forcing his full attention to Envy. Now wasn’t the time for his brain to start acting up. He needed to follow instinct.

“Cut the crap, Envy,” Ed said seriously.

“…En…bii (1)?” Envy questioned, his head tilting. “I’m Yuki. Hanaga Yu- _ki_.”

“Um, Edo…?” Watari started, unplugging his ears. Hisoka glowered from the corner behind the scientist, 003 cowering on his shoulder.

“If you’re Yuki, Envy, then I’m Shuichi. Where’s the dog suit?” Ed replied, ignoring Watari’s feeble interruption.

“What’re you _on_?” Envy asked, bewildered.

“Perhaps he forgot also?” Watari suggested.

 _“Envy! You had better not be kidding here or I’ll castrate you!”_ Ed cried, switching to English.

“That’s harsh, shrimp. I’m not who you think, dammit!” Envy replied moodily.

“Yes you are! You’re my En, not Yuki, so stop lying to me! It isn’t funny!” Ed shouted hysterically. “I’ve come this far… _I forgot about us, so you can’t have! I forgot I love you, I forgot why and how, so you HAVE to remember! Tell me! Tell me what’s so wonderful… So wonderful that I can’t die…_ ”

Ed swallowed heavily, the sledgehammers working on his brain as he held back his tears, vision blurring and distort. The silence was more painful that his hammering brain.

“Shut up,” Envy replied shakily. “Shut up and leave me alone.”

“Fine,” Ed said softly, “it’s an _Equivalent Exchange_ , then.”

Ed stormed away, refusing to look back upon his former lover.

*

“Here,” the blonde’s kind voice offers, “drink this. You’ll sleep better.”

“I’d sleep better at _home_ ,” Yuki replied snappily. Even as he spoke, he could feel his sand-paper tongue rubbing the roof of his mouth raw. Suspiciously, he eyed the glass. “What is that, then?”

“Just warm milk,” the blonde replied, smiling widely.

“Milk, huh?” Yuki mused, a smirk crossing his face. “Okay, sure. Tell me your name and untie me, though.”

The blonde laughed. “Fair enough. But you can’t leave.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Yuki whimpered, glancing up at him like a kicked puppy.

“No, you’re physically unable to leave.”

“Yes, because I’m tied up,” Yuki said, unable to resist the sarcastic jibe.

“No, no, if I untie you and you run, you won’t be able to get home.”

“…If you say so…”

Nodding, the bespectacled blonde pulled and twisted the rope, the brown slackening immediately. “I’m Watari Yutaka.”

“Yuki, _not_ Enbii or whatever,” Yuki muttered bitterly, pulling the ropes from his arms. “Where am I supposed to sleep?”

Watari beckoned for Yuki to follow him.

_So trusting. Doesn’t this guy realise I could just snap his neck?_

Yuki shook his head. He wasn’t supposed to think like that. He was supposed to stay calm. Like a butterfly, slowly fluttering around a beautiful meadow – completely content, calm and certainly not psychotic. Yuki scoffed. After all he hadn’t been through, was it really a surprise?

The infirmary was a wonderful imitation of a hospital room; the walls, floors and sheets were white and cream, the windows bolted shut from the outside. Even the sickening medicine stench lingered in the room, weakest by the three beds. Obediently, Yuki lay down on the first bed, accepting and quickly draining the milk. A tingle spread down his parched throat.

“We’ll sort this mess out soon, Yuki. Try getting some sleep,” Watari replied, grinning. Yuki nodded, wondering why this doctor was smiling so widely. Yuki hadn’t done anything to help or please him, so why bother looking happy? Why not make cool and yelled demands like his usual doctors and boss? Why bother expressing anything to a stranger who would run as soon as he could?

Yuki lay his head upon the pillow, kicking his in-door shoes off. Tomorrow he would leave. One night wouldn’t be able to hurt.

*

“Ed-o-o-o-o!”

Ed winced. That playful tone would be matched with a smirk, sadism glinting in his only company’s eyes. However long he had spent here was more than enough to recognise moods from only Envy’s voice. Whenever Envy sing-songed like this, it meant trouble.

_Cool and calm. Cool and calm._

“What?”

Out of no where, arms enveloped him. “Isn’t it cold?”

Ed flushed, struggling in the grip. “No, look! We’re in a –”

The scenery started to change. Where the grass had been vibrant green became white and icy, the pine-trees littered with clumps of snow. The large lake crystallised, liquid becoming solid. Twenty degrees dropped to the negatives all within the span of thirty seconds. Ed shivered, glad for the extra warmth Envy’s shivering body provided.

…Wait…

“Envy, you idiot!” Ed cried, finally pulling himself away. He stumbled in ankle-deep snow before glaring viciously at the green-haired… Whatever he was. “You’ll freeze to death! You said you weren’t gonna leave me alone _ages_ ago, it still counts!”

The smirk reappeared, even as Envy shivered pitifully. “It was a nice excuse to hug a pipsqueak.”

Ed scowled. “You’re a complete idiot, don’t come up with an excuse that gets you killed!”

“We _are_ dead.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Ed muttered. “It’s been a long time, but can we age here?”

Envy shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care. It works, so what’s it matter?”

Ed shot him a dirty look. “It always matters. Can you just… Change it back? Or maybe get inside? I’m cold too, y’know.”

“Okay, okay… Let’s go then, pipsqueak,” Envy said, wrapping a single arm around Ed’s shoulders.

Ed blamed his blush on the cold.

*

In perfect synchronisation, two figures awoke. One sighed before turning over, smiling contently. The other faced yet another sleepless night, wondering why with no answers. 


	10. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i think this is a flashback chapter

With a sigh, Ed added another mental tally. He had been here for eight days. Today would be the ninth. For nine days he had wandered aimlessly, between tropical forests and abandoned towns. No matter how far he walked, no matter how sore or torn his body became, never did he find another person. His throat was sore and his ears ringing, all because of the horrifying silence surrounding him. He had tried speaking or even humming to break the deathly silence, but his throat was too sore and dry to make a single sound. It was horrifying. Ed would give anything to find even a fly.

Was this the result of the uranium bomb? The thought and guilt rolled through his mind continuously. It reached the point where he couldn’t even sleep, yet no effects found him. He had spent two days walking, refusing to allow himself even a second’s rest. This was his punishment. How had he gotten here?

It was dark again. Ed could barely see a hand before his face, let alone where he was going. He figured it no longer mattered. Without the smiles and chatter of strangers, or even just one other person, life had no meaning. He never should have left Al’s side. He shouldn’t have just assumed his brother was fine. Ed couldn’t even breathe an apology to unhearing ears thousands of miles away.

He had to try at least once more.

“…”

His voice refused to sound. His lips made the motions, his breaths raised to a higher pitch. Nothing else happened. Was this how Rose had felt as a mute?

The loneliness was penetrated by a burst of pain as his body flew through the air, his side scrapping and clothes taring on the rocky ground. Ed’s eyes widened. Someone was here – someone was _touching_ him!

“’Ello, pipsqueak.”

A shiver ran through Ed’s body. Relief. “WHO-ARE-YOU-CALLING-A-RUNT-SO-TINY-HE-THINKS-THE-CRACKS-BETWEEN-THE-PAVEMENT-ARE-CANYONS?”

He soon turned away. Silence once more returned. No, it wasn’t like silence anymore. Envy’s breaths, synchronised with his own, were the loudest thing Ed had ever heard. He felt like his mother was embracing him. He smiled gratefully before slipping back into his typical self.

Ed scowled heavily. He leant against the other’s back, feeling his bones digging into him. He glanced around the bare scenery, too dark to be properly made out. Even if he could see it, he doubted it would be anything special.

“Why the hell did you do that?” he demanded snappily.

*

Three months.

For three months Ed had been in the sole company of someone who used to be his greatest enemy. In that time there had been an exchange of seventeen kisses, ten hugs and five times their hands had been held. Ed was almost ashamed to admit that Envy wasn’t the only one behind the desperate contact. It was becoming more and more natural with each exchange. They never spoke of the past. They didn’t speak often; there was nothing to say. Both had accepted and agreed that they were within the Gate. Neither knew how they came to be held within it. And, most importantly of all, neither knew how to escape.

Ed had lost count of the days.

It wasn’t long after that the months too blurred.

Ed wasn’t weary or bored; with a mere thought the Gate provided the backdrop he or Envy desired. At first Ed had been afraid; horrified even. The Gate’s power came from the dead; therefore whatever he saw was made of the souls of millions of people. Later on, however, Envy had explained that it was better if the souls trapped by the Gate were put to some use. Envy doubted that the Gate itself was powered by the dead, and wouldn’t he know? Ed wasn’t afraid anymore; just not as easily bored as Envy.

Had it been a year?

Ed wasn’t sure, but he didn’t miss much. The world without alchemy was dull and boring. He had no purpose there. At least here, within the Gate, he was closer to home. The only thing missing was Al.

A burning guilt and sorrow came with every thought of his brother. First he had ripped Al’s soul from his body in a futile attempt to save their mother. Then, selfishly, he had sealed it within a suit of armour rather than allowing Al to see her again. The six years that followed were horrible. All the death, destruction and danger Al had been placed in was his fault. And to make things worse, when they finally met again, face to face, Ed had decided to be heroic again. Now, with no measure of time, he recalled the incident that followed his return home. Hundred, if not thousands, would have died. Why, why had he been so hurried to be the hero? Al could have used his soul-binding alchemy to destroy the Gate’s opening on that side! He hadn’t wanted to drag his brother away from Amestris, but by being the tragic hero, he had. And, at the time… He was perfectly aware of the fact. He just didn’t want to be alone. Ed knew it was selfish, foolish and childish, but he couldn’t bear the thought of solitude. Those few days had been horrific.

“Thinking about me, Edo?”

Ed knew the voice pattern perfectly. It was the only music in this world.

“I mean, I _know_ I’m irresistible and all that, but you don’t need to obsess over me constantly,” Envy added, grinning. He sat down beside Ed, bouncing slightly on the moss.

“Speak for yourself,” Ed replied. “I was actually thinking about my brother.”

“Well, in some ways we’re brothers,” Envy announced thoughtfully.

Ed made a face of disgust. “ _Alphonse_ is my only brother. And he’s alone now.”

Silence followed as Envy surveyed him. “That’s what you fear most, right?”

“…Yeah,” Ed replied quietly. _I never want to be alone, so Al never should be._

“That’s weak,” Envy announced through a smirk, “pathetic, really.” He paused, turning to Ed with a smile glowing through. “Guess I’ll have to stay with you.”

With no hesitation, Ed allowed his head to fall against Envy’s shoulder. He was too grateful to yell or be embarrassed – and they both knew it.

No words were needed as Envy wrapped an arm around Ed’s shoulders.

They were beyond words.

The beats of their hearts was enough.

*

Ed didn’t even care for time anymore. He didn’t need it now.

Now they were lovers.

The idea didn’t make him giggle or squirm. It didn’t bring a soft smile and sigh to his lips. He felt nothing like a teenager and there was no danger, adrenalin or thrill. He felt foolish, shameless and very, very blonde.

It was no secret. It showed in their every action.

Light touches.

Small smiles.

Abbreviations.

The feel of the air between them.

But most of all, the mutual respect.

Envy wasn’t a monster. How had he ever believed that? He certainly had been a fool. While he didn’t know every detail of Envy’s life, he knew the reason behind the murders, and that was reassurance enough.

It no longer mattered if Envy caught Ed with his eyes on him. Ed didn’t blush and look away; he just kept on staring. The comfort was so wonderful and amazing… It was something out of those fairy tales his mother used to tell him. Ed had always scoffed and doubted them. Now he understood perfectly. He knew why his mother had waited so patiently and eagerly for their father. He knew why he had been her last thought. Ed would do the same – minus the waiting. He needed Envy close. If they were ever separated, he would hunt and find Envy with no hesitation.

Something like this was too wonderful to ever lose.

*

“Did I ever say I wanted to be human? Just like you?” Envy asked randomly.

“You made it kinda obvious,” Ed replied, smirking. “And I can understand why you’d wanna be me.”

“Yeah, you get to look at my sexy flesh all day, every day. What’s _not_ to be jealous of there?”

Ed smacked him lightly. “Egotistical jerk.”

“No, no, I’m _confident_. There’s a difference,” Envy scowled.

“Why’s it important that you wanted to be human? You are now,” Ed questioned.

Envy shrugged. “I dunno. Don’t you wanna see the real world again? Amestris or that other world, they’re both better than whatever the Gate’s doing.”

Frowning, Ed laced their fingers together. “I don’t mind. Everyone we know is probably dead, it’s been a real long time. We’re probably dead too.” _Just stay here with me._

Envy shrugged. “Just curious. About a normal life and all.”

“Weren’t you saying sometime ago that would be plain boring?”

“That was two years ago, Edo,” Envy taunted.

Ed shrugged, not knowing the inspiration that had been planted.

*

Ed too was beginning to wonder. How had the worlds changed? Was Amestris less corrupt? Had alchemy survived? Did Mustang ever become Fuhrer and/or marry Hawkeye? What did Winry become without the Elric brothers? And, most importantly of all… What became of Al?

It was getting harder and harder to dismiss these thoughts from his mind. The image of his little brother smiling, waving goodbye with a “Come home soon, brother!” never seemed to fade. He shook his head furiously. He had Envy. Envy was all he needed.

A frown of concern crossed Ed’s features.

He hadn’t seen Envy for three hours.

That was when Ed remembered how to count time again, as he sat outside their make-shift home, arms curled around his legs, the silence penetrated by a lonely, desperate heartbeat.

_Come back…_

_Come back…_

_Come back…_

There was no reply.

*

_Seven days, nine hours and five minutes._

Time had once again become the most important part of Ed’s silent life.

His heartbeat was painfully loud. It hurt his eardrums to hear.

Ed couldn’t wait anymore. He had to do something.

His entire body trembled as he clapped his hands together.

Darkness followed.


	11. My Dream is You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i translated this chapter's title from the Japanese i originally used because... god, i just, i can't guys. i can't.

“Okay. I’m awake. I’ll open my eyes and this’ll all be one big, freaky dream. I’ll tell it to the shrink and he’ll dub me even crazier. Shinigami, haha…”

Slowly, Yuki opened an eye. Okay, a dark, white room. Hospitals are white, right? He was still fine. Any second now, a doctor or nurse would come in and explain that he had collapsed again. They would ask if he was eating properly and taking proper care of himself. Yuki would lie through his teeth as he resisted the urge to brutally slaughter them all. He didn’t need their help. Whatever he didn’t know clearly wasn’t important enough for him to recall. And if that was most of his life (the physician estimated him to be seventeen), so be it. Was it really very important to know his real name or age? Yuki didn’t think so. And, most of all, he didn’t care about whatever the short blonde had to say, even if he was the one from all his dreams and delusions.

_…Oh yeah, the Shinigami incident was a dream._

Yuki groaned and rolled over. Once again, the shrimp who called him Envy had stopped him from sleeping. How selfish. “Stupid _o’chibi-san_ ,” he growled before burying his face in the white pillow.

*

He was born, not created.

He was born one thousand times.

The so-called one thousand and first time was merely when he was compiled.

With the power of the Philosopher’s Stone, the thousand souls were fused together, and one personality was born anew. The thousand souls felt hatred, despair and sorrow. They hated their binder. They despaired over their appearance. They were sorrow-filled for their new situation.

 _He_ dubbed them Envy.

The transformation between appearances was never difficult. Each soul came with the mournful memory of their lost appearance. No matter how hideous or hated their original form was, it was far more perfect than this twisted beast they became.

It took a long time and many trial and errors before Envy found his preferred appearance. Each of the souls, every separate personality, had their own demands and requests. But the personality created through the merging was in control.

Originally, _he_ demanded they take the appearance of his dead son. Many of the souls could empathise. They too had lost everything. It was a case of Stockholm’s Syndrome. Each of the souls felt an attachment to the one who bound, and therefore imprisoned, them. It was inexplicable and extremely twisted, but it was there.

He was the only one. Envy was the only one in the mansion who was not human. Ashamed, he did his very best to make everything up to the one who had bound them and his wife.

Eventually, Envy recovered from the bout of Stockholm’s Syndrome. He no longer wanted to please him. Envy chose a new appearance for them all. He took a sickly child’s pale skin, the slender-yet-muscular body a compilation of the teenage boys. The features were compiled in a similar manner, balancing each other out well. The eye-colour was borrowed from a rather unique and merciful soul, the hair taken from the most boisterous. The only thing that belonged to them all was the slitted pupils, marking them all as former humans – as demons.

 _He_ was not pleased with the change. Icily, Envy told _him_ that they were not his son. That had been when Envy still referred to himself in the third-person. The souls still fought then, still desperately hoping they could be split once more. It was becoming more and more obvious that the main personality had the most control. The thousand souls never gave up. They were always there, yelling and screaming, begging for freedom and envying every human they saw. Envy was growing more and more confused and violent. Eventually, _his_ wife found an outlet.

The first kill, with the souls split between cries of mercy, cries of glee and crying, was the hardest. After Envy pulled the human apart, it became silent for a week. He never knew a greater joy than having his thoughts alone.

 _He_ eventually left. _He_ was disturbed by everything they had done and wanted out. _He_ left in the black of the night, leaving half the Stone in hope of _his_ wife regaining her former compassion and sanity.

The binder was gone.

No-one could separate them now.

Bitterly, Envy swore his vendetta. No matter how long it took, he would kill Hohenheim of Light.

Dante was seemingly depressed for several months, allowing Envy complete freedom. One night, however, he returned to find her with a new lover – a man with a hooked nose and wide grin.

Almost one year later, Greed was born. Greed, however, lacked the violent voices refusing to stay silent. Greed just wanted everything. He wanted to be the leader, the head power. Fifty years later found Greed imprisoned and Envy once again the favourite.

One by one, the Seven Cardinal Sins were born. None had the vicious state-of-mind or twisted creation like Envy. They were all created through _love_. Envy was a monster amongst his own kind, as the thousand souls realised and often boasted. The only way to silence them was a murder, but through the centuries, the time of silence grew shorter. By the seventh Sloth, it was a mere day. The thousand souls were becoming twisted and sadistic.

Dante switched bodies frequently at first, completely unaware of the slowly crumbling Stone. Three and a half centuries after his creation, Dante finally realised. Shrilly, she demanded that her five minions find Hohenheim of Light and a Philosopher’s Stone. She brewed an unusual and manipulative plan. Sprinkle clues and warnings around. Alchemists can never resist the pull of an adventure, a challenge.

Nearly two decades passed. With the increase of alchemists coming their way, the Homunculi died more frequently. Growing impatient, Dante ordered the kidnapping a group of military soldiers. Each soldier was injected with an Incomplete Philosopher’s Stone. One young man survived. His eye was marked with the Ouroburos. He was the new Pride.

Fifteen years later, Hohenheim of Light was found by the old Wrath. The former Wrath was a scrawny blonde girl with rat-like features. She was killed after reporting that Hohenheim of Light had remarried a woman named Trisha Elric. Dante was so furious she sulked for seven weeks, the only joy being the replacement of Lust and her new experiment, Gluttony.

Her rage and rampage increased when Edward was born.

Envy had hated Edward. He was the perfect son, the smiling, glowing baby Hohenheim of Light worshipped and adored. The thousand souls were furious that their binder had settled down happily to a normal life after all the sins he had committed. Didn’t he feel burning guilt? Wouldn’t he beg for forgiveness? The souls were once again split. A dozen wanted to forgive and forget. Hundreds wanted to slaughter Hohenheim and his family. Others wanted nothing.

Envy’s fists shook as he headed back to Dublith, the sleeping baby’s content smile growing.

Pride became the Fuhrer. He followed Dante’s every command. In disguise, Envy snuck to the Ishballan capital. He witnessed the foolish woman known as Juliet Douglas, a red-haired, flirtatious tart, shoot the child. He simply watched the entire war unfold with no emotions of his own. There wasn’t room over the roar of a thousand souls.

In his spare time, Envy would observe the Elric family obsessively. Hohenheim of Light left Edward, too, soon after the baby brother was born. The fact made Envy smirk. He wasn’t the only one.

The demands of Dante pulled Envy away from Risembool for years. He found himself yearning to see the chaos of his obsession, the rage and anger Edward Elric caused with his childish pranks and taunts, and the child’s incredibly alchemic ability.

A new Sloth was born while he was gone. Envy felt nothing as he recognised her, nor with the ill-suited alias the former Trisha Elric had thrust upon her.

It wasn’t long after that when the Fullmetal Alchemist emerged, the State’s child-prodigy and all-round wonder-boy.

The first time they spoke – _really_ spoke – was after Greed and Lust’s deaths. Since losing “his Lust”, Gluttony had become almost uncontrollable. He would follow Envy’s orders, but he needed swift prompting and a few good hard smacks.

This time, Gluttony ate Fullmetal’s Xingese friend, the Fullmetal-pipsqueak and Envy himself whole.

To suffice, they were screwed.

Gluttony’s stomach was Dante’s attempt at imitating the Gate. How Dante alone had managed to pull off such a difficult and plain insane transmutation was unclear to Envy. He didn’t really care, actually. What mattered was that Gluttony’s stomach was boundless. It didn’t end anywhere; it didn’t begin anywhere for that matter. There was absolutely no escape.

Of course Edward would intervene when Gluttony charged at his friend. Of course Envy would dive forward to save such a precious alchemist, the one who could end this all. Stupid Gluttony.

It was coloured a red-brown, like stones in places where the sun burnt hardest. He stood ankle-deep in what appeared to be the Incomplete Philosopher’s Stone. Quickly, Envy shifted, his back aching with violent pain as leathery, bat-like wings spread from his back. He needed to get out of the liquid and find the Fullmetal-pipsqueak. Hopefully he would have enough sense to avoid the red semi-liquid.

Eventually, Envy did find them. Edward and Ling were seated on what looked to be an ancient rune (Envy wasn’t really surprised. Gluttony would eat _anything_ ), eating… a shoe? Envy scoffed in disgust. He shifted back to his preferred form, a process much more painless than the alternative.

“Yo, Fullmetal-pipsqueak,” he announced as he stepped upon the rune.

“WHO’RE-YOU-CALLING-A-SUPER-TINY-PIPSQUEAK-SO-SMALL-HE’S-SWALLOWED-AS-EASILY-AS-A-GRAIN-OF-RICE? STOP-CALLING-ME-A-PIPSQUEAK-YOU-ASSHOLE-THAT’S-THE-SIXTH-TIME!” Ed ranted, jumping to his feet in his rage.

“It’s not my fault you’re so tiny,” Envy replied. “Now, would you shut up?”

“WHY-SHOULD-I-SHUT-UP-AND-ACCEPT-THIS-ABUSE? I’M-NOT-SHORT-OR-WEAK-OR-TINY-OR-PATHETIC-SO-GO-CRAWL-INTO-SOME-CORNER-AND-DIE!”

“Sure, we’re all gonna die anyway,” Envy shrugged nonchalantly.

He always thought such a genius alchemist would have realised sooner. Why were Edward and Ling being so violent? Their deaths, in the long run, would mean nothing. They would merely become more lives for the Stone. At least they wouldn’t die alone.

With a scowl, Envy sent a vicious look back at Edward. The pipsqueak was getting far too rowdy. He needed to be taken down a few pegs.

However, for the first time since the binding, Envy lost his dictatorship over one thousand souls. His words and actions after were blurred and rapid, speeding through images so swiftly his mind couldn’t comprehend anything but a glisten of gold. It suddenly ceased, and Envy came to realise the truth.

Edward Elric was looking at his true form without disgust or fear. Edward Elric’s eyes sent him pity. No, the pity didn’t belong to him alone.

Edward Elric’s pity belonged to one thousand and one souls.

With no hesitation, Envy told Ed a possible manner of escape. If Ed transmuted him, him and the thousand souls, the true Gate would come. From there, escape would be much easier. Ed, however, did hesitate. His eyes scanned over the twisted souls across Envy’s form, sorrow and mourning spreading through them. And, for once, Envy found himself understanding.

“They’re no longer human, pipsq–” Envy paused mid-sentence, shaking his massive head slightly. He quickly corrected himself, “–Edward. We’re already dead.”

“But…” Ed protested feebly.

“You shouldn’t be so open in your definition of ‘human’.”

Ed’s eyes widened slightly. This time, he clapped with no fear.

The thousand souls were quieter after that one clap.

It took Envy a long time to realise Dante wasn’t the true master-mind behind all this. Dante had another to whom she bowed.

He was known only as Father and looked too much like Hohenheim. Envy saw him only by accident, in a discussion with Dante and Pride.

That was when he understood the reason behind Ed’s eyes.

Edward Elric was greater than Envy had anticipated. He was less selfish than he had expected – Ed had thrown away his every dream, his _life_ even to bring Dante and Father’s plan crashing down.

And on that day, Envy killed him.

He had taunted him. Teased him. Envy had lowered himself to follow Dante’s last-minute order. He sealed the deal with the face Hohenheim had favoured, the face that never had been his. Ed immediately froze. Grinning sadistically, Envy plunged his arm, transformed into a blade, through Ed’s heart.

It was harder than it should have been.

Through his laugh, one thing suddenly dawned upon him.

For the first time, Envy had killed one of his own.

*

That day, Envy lost another three hundred of his thousand souls. The Gate ripped them away from him as he forced his way through. Remarkably, he still kept his preferred form, until he shifted into a magnificent green wyrm to out-speed the Gate, determined on his mission to kill Hohenheim.

It was much quieter now.

Envy could almost hear his own thoughts over five hundred souls.

*

The Other Side of the Gate had sealed Envy as a dragon. No longer could he shape-shift, despite the five hundred souls screaming in his mind. For those two years, they were more demanding than ever. Envy never slept once. He would merely wait the day out, listening to the cries of five hundred voices until darkness surrounded him. Then he would search for Hohenheim.

It was Ed who found him.

No, it wasn’t Ed. It was a different Ed. It was a harder, rougher Ed. A desperate and depressed Ed. It wasn’t a fiery Ed. It was an impostor.

Envy attacked.

The impostor Ed had the nerve to question his identity before he was shot down and taken away.

When Envy awoke for the first time in two years, he was stabbed in various places around his body. The swords pinned him down in a circle, his tail eerily close to his mouth. Viciously, Envy roared and roared. He demanded Hohenheim’s death; over and over he called for his “father”.

It was amazing when they complied.

Envy refused to kill Hohenheim straight away. Hohenheim needed to suffer, long and hard, just as he and the one thousand souls had. Envy’s teeth penetrated Hohenheim’s body, shifting around every few minutes just to add pain.

Soon after, perhaps weeks, Edward came. He always did. Ed was always the reason Envy lost souls.

Hohenheim summoned the Gate, using himself and five hundred souls as sacrifice – a final action which set them both free.

*

Envy awoke surrounded by long grass. A sparkling lake lay at the hill’s base. He listened.

There was silence.

Nothing but his own heartbeat.

For the first time, Envy could hear his own thoughts.

He just had to lose them to tears.


	12. Names

Gasping, Ed bolted up. With wide eyes, he observed his surroundings. The television screen showed a frozen frame of Yuki Eiri’s head, a thin blue blanket pooling around Ed’s hips. Panting heavily, Ed fell back against the coach, images running through his mind.

“Envy…” he breathed. “That… that _idiot_!” He turned over, glaring crossly at Yuki’s frozen face of surprise. How could Envy have just abandoned him like that? After all that time knowing they only needed each other, he just _left_? When he next saw him, Ed was determined to punch Envy right between the eyes. With a final growl, Ed rolled off the coach and to his feet. He stomped to the apartment door, finding himself fixing his hair on the way. Swearing at himself, Ed slammed the door shut and headed off to find Envy.

“Edo! Good morning!” Tsuzuki sang brightly.

“Where is that ungrateful asshole?” Ed demanded.

“Tatsumi? Well, he’s in –”

“Envy!”

Tsuzuki raised his eyebrows. Turning his head, Hisoka surveyed Ed curiously, cringing slightly. “You’ve remembered?”

“Yeah, Watari’s potion worked, and right now I want to kick Envy from here to the Gate all over again!” Ed cried.

“So, you know why you disappeared of the face of the Earth and wound up coming back dead?” Hisoka pushed, ignoring Ed’s outburst.

“No, yes, I don’t know! I don’t even understand! It all goes completely against everything I was ever taught!” Ed exclaimed tensely. “I just _need_ to teach him a lesson, okay?”

“Edo, you should calm down,” Tsuzuki suggested seriously. “You just remembered seventy years worth of memories and emotions – that’s bound to stress out any mind. Whatever Envy did, I’m sure he wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

Down casting his head, Ed clenched his fists. “Whether he meant it or not, he did. He betrayed my trust! He got us _both_ killed and separated! He broke his fucking promises!”

A weigh dropped onto his shoulder. Glancing up, Ed came face to face with a kindly smiling Tsuzuki. “It’ll be okay, Edo. If Envy couldn’t even forget you completely when he knew nothing, then he loves you more than can be expressed.”

Scowling, Ed shrugged Tsuzuki’s hand away. “That’s really corny,” Ed announced, glancing away from both Shinigami as his face heated. “Besides, he did forget, didn’t he?”

“No. He recognised you, Elric,” Hisoka replied.

Ed was certain his face was crimson now. He scratched the top of his head, making thoughtful noises. “Maybe – _just maybe_ – I can wait long enough to hear what he’s got to say,” Ed announced. He turned his gaze. “Where is he, anyway?”

Hisoka merely pointed as Ed dashed away. He glanced up at Tsuzuki, an unrecognisable emotion filling his green eyes as they met Tsuzuki’s. “Elric’s right. You’re corny, Tsuzuki.”

Tsuzuki winked. “But you love it, right?”

“Idiot,” Hisoka huffed as he tore his gaze away. There was silence for almost a minute before Hisoka spoke up again. “We need to look into what Muraki wants Elric for and how to keep him safe.” Neither had the heart to vocally recall the disasters of their last mission with the sadistic physician involved. All they needed to know was that no-one was truly safe from Muraki, even in Meifu.

\--

Envy’s sleeping face wasn’t expressionless as Ed recalled. Wrinkles of frustration and fury marred Envy’s brow, flashes of fear striking occasionally. Smiling uncontrollably, he found his fingers brushing deathly pale cheeks. It was a strange thing for him to do, and Ed knew it, but he just couldn’t help it.

“You’re a bastard,” Ed muttered fondly. His fingers brushed over Envy’s lips. “A,” they ran down to his chin, “complete,” tilting it upward, “bastard,” so Ed’s lips could fall against Envy’s chastely. He pulled back with a grin, feeling accomplished.

Never before had Ed felt this obvious, corny and emotive – and he couldn’t think of a time when he had cared less. There was no-one who knew of the Fullmetal Alchemist’s achievements, no-one left to let down but himself. The only way he could let himself down was by failing to meet his own needs. And if he felt the need to be corny and sentimental, so be it.

“You’d better wake up soon,” Ed demanded as he stepped to the door. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

In the meantime, it wouldn’t do Ed any harm to go back and unfreeze Yuki Eiri’s face of surprise.

\--

Finally, gratefully, Envy awoke. Blinking heavily, he rubbed his eyes, murmuring gibberish to himself. There was no sense behind the images his mind bad been showing him. Absolutely no sense, no logic and no accuracy. He growled. How could anyone expect him to believe for a second that he had just willingly spent months in the company of fucking _humans_? Those bastard creatures were just sheep for their sheparding and this was, once again, Pride’s way of mocking him. Arrogant asshole seemed to think just because he was the favourite and so powerful he had the right to mess with everyone’s minds! It wouldn’t be the first time Pride had tricked him into living with humans. As soon as this deception of Pride’s faded, Envy was going to brutally slaughter his older brother. AGAIN.

Smirking at the thought, Envy rolled over, coming face to plastic with a chair. Blinking heavily once more, the similarities of this place registered. He was in a hospital. Frowning, Envy wondered why he, an immortal being, was in a hospital. Things were getting more and more curious.

Now, if only he could figure out where Pride had dumped him and how to get back… on the way, perhaps he could kill someone. That’d be a nice warm up. Chuckling, Envy closed his eyes, envisioning a mouse. Not only would he be able to sneak away, he’d cause chaos in the process. Hospitals have no mice. Anticipating pain, Envy focused on the image within his mind.

…Nothing happened.

Envy scowled. Had Pride sealed his powers? _Could_ Pride do that? Envy shook his head viciously, waiting for the hundreds of voices to start their yelling.

…Nothing happened.

“What?” Envy hissed suspiciously. “Hey, you asshole humans! Abominations! Answer me!” Envy’s eyes opened, narrow and furious. “Why’ve you finally decided to shut up? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” The sound of heavy breathing crashed mercilessly against his ears. It took Envy several seconds to realise he was the source.

“STOP IGNORING ME! STOP IT! YELL AT ME!” Envy demanded, covering his ears with his hands. He had to contain and find the sound, to find even a hint of a hiss… this silence was unnatural; it was disturbing and confusing. “WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” Desperately, Envy clenched his eyes closed. Whatever was happening, it wasn’t funny! It was just painful and torturous to tease him with silence. This time, Pride would _stay_ dead. If he didn’t hear anything in ten seconds…

“I’m here,” a voice told him.

Eyes snapping open, Envy glanced around. That hadn’t been said within his own mind. Was it a human? A nurse? Envy’s vision was blurred by something, something warm and weird. All he could make out was a snatch of gold. He snarled. Hohenheim?

Footsteps reached his ears. Envy clenched his fists, ready to strike, as his vision grew clearer and clearer. His eyes widened.

“Edward…?”

The blonde nodded, smiling enigmatically.

Envy blinked seven times. There was nothing yelling at him to kill and destroy. There was no pressure to do _anything_. Had the Fullmetal Pipsqueak saved him? For some reason, Envy didn’t want to maim Edward. The idea seemed almost cruel, like breaking the wings of a bluebird.

“Why am I here, Fullmetal Pipsqueak?” Envy demanded, surprised at the softness in his voice.

The smile slid from Ed’s lips. Envy waited, anticipating the effects of Ed’s Napoleon Complex. All he received was the dreaded silence. How could something he had spent his entire existence longing for be so disturbing?

“What did you do to me?” Envy snapped. The harshness returned to his voice, quickly disappearing when his eyes found Ed’s arms. “And what the hell happened to you? You’re not metal.” It clicked. “You beat Father? And that bitch?”

Ed shook his head, his face stony. “You don’t remember?”

“Last thing I remember I was being yelled at,” Envy replied. Wasn’t that obvious? He was always being yelled at.

Ed twitched, his face twisting with rage. “This isn’t fucking _fair_! After everything… EVERYTHING! You still don’t know! I’m supposed to be kicking your ass right now and you’re supposed to apologise and then we’ll forget about it!” Ed ranted, his cheeks reddening.

Envy shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Fullmetal, but at least you’re over your Napoleon Complex.”

“I told you. I don’t have one!” Ed cried.

“You do,” Envy replied, before quickly changing the subject. “Something happened between us? When the hell did I become allies with the Fullmetal Alchemist?”

“We’re not allies,” Ed replied huffily. “That’d never happen.” Ed turned away, heading back to the door. Hesitation sent a shiver down his short frame, before being replaced with a glance over the shoulder. Once again, that mysterious smile was in place, Ed’s eyes softened with emotions rather than harsh with hate. Envy immediately decided he liked the change. “Look in a mirror sometime, En,” he suggested. And then the smile was gone.

‘ _That… was beautiful_ ,’ a voice Envy couldn’t recognise told him.

As he studied his eyes with amazement, Envy realised the voice was his own. He could think for himself. He could do and say what he wanted. Envy watched a smile cross his pale face, the round pupils staring back at him.

\--

Ed was sick of waiting. He had wasted an entire year waiting for his strength to grow after getting automail. He had waited for years with his mother by the window and no tall blonde man in sight. He had waited almost a decade before accepting Envy. He had waited here for almost half a month to remember what had killed him, and he still wasn’t sure. And now, with his memories restored, he had to wait before making Envy apologise. He had to wait for Envy to remember.

That conversation had probably been one of the strangest Ed had ever encountered. First Watari had come running to find him, yelling gleefully that Envy was awake and yelling. Ed had dash back twice as fast, unable to contain a smile. Ed hadn’t been able to stop himself from thinking that everything would be fine. If Envy could remember, it would be as close to perfect as he could ever come. But he had to be greeted with harsh questions and that _stupid_ , mocking name. Envy didn’t remember their seventy years together, yet the more they spoke, the more trances of Ed’s Envy appeared. Ed couldn’t stay there unable to… actually, Ed had no idea what he had wanted do, but it had become too much. Ed left, yelling briefly to the Shinigami that he was going out.

And here he was. Walking through the crowded streets of Tokyo, wondering briefly if even this city contained enough people to complete a Philosopher’s Stone. It seemed that it had always been Ed’s goal to play God, to disrupt the natural order of things. First his goal had been to take his mother’s mind off their father, to help her move on. She had always humoured him. Now Ed could understand that there’s nothing in any world which could hope to completely erase love.

Ed’s second God-worthy goal had been, of course, to revive his mother. Grimacing, Ed recalled the results. There wasn’t even a scar on his body to remind him of this. Ed wasn’t sure if he was grateful of mournful.

Next had been his goal of the Philosopher’s Stone. The whole crusade had been a disaster, full of death, destruction and danger. Ed wondered if he had gained or lost more. Had it been worth it? He shook his head. Of course it had been worth it! To see Al smile again completely erased his sin, and it had lead to a sin of a different kind…

But what about his desperate attempts to return home? Sure, he had seen Al again, but how many people had died? During all of his goals, how many people had died and suffered as a result? It could even be millions. Ed’s heart gave a sharp twinge.

Sighing, Ed continued down the street, ignoring every display and person he passed. Was it all worth it? Why did he continue to desire everything? Even now he wished the Human Transmutation had succeeded, that he and Al were still in Amestris, happy and trauma-free, perhaps with a certain sin lingering close. He wanted to see his mother’s smile, hear his brother’s laugh and kiss Envy once again. It was far too late for his mother and brother, but if he kept waiting… perhaps he could kiss Envy again.

A small smile appeared as Ed kept walking, glancing up at the sky to find the sun setting.

\--

Why were there pretty pink flowers outside his window? His lip curling in disgust, Envy yanked the curtain roughly closed. How dare those pretty pink flowers be so repetitive? People here really must like pretty pink flowers. Envy, however, hated them. They were pretty. And pink. Those words combined always seemed to remind him of that wrench-armed wench Fullmetal hung around with. The clingy, whiny one who always moved wa-a-a-ay too close to Ed. Envy couldn’t even remember her name, but he hated her with a burning passion. What gave her the right to abuse Ed and then demand he tell her everything? If she was anywhere near here, Envy was going to kill her. Especially if she was clinging to Ed. Anyone who dared cling to Ed deserved a slow and extremely painful death. Perhaps Envy could create an iron maiden to lock her in… or he could hang, draw and quarter her! That was always fun.

Between the pretty pink flowers, Envy had seen traces of orange and red sunlight. That meant he had spent Father-knows-how-long admiring himself. Fair enough, really. He was a sexy beast, after all. Smirking, Envy wandered back and forth from the door to the window, wondering where Ed was. Envy was hungry and had no clue what was going on here. Some blonde who looked kind of like Ed only pointier and curlier came in, asked him questions in a foreign language which Envy, for some random reason, understood, examined Envy’s body (who could resist, anyway?) before leaving and telling him that Ed should be back soon.

The pretty pink flowers had been rimmed with blue, white and yellow then.

Scowling, Envy sat on the edge of his bed. He was quite amazed to wake up wearing pants and some strange form of t-shirt. It was far too normal. No matter what, Envy needed his skort. It was a rule of life so old Envy had forgotten who wrote it. Probably himself.

Where was Ed?

Envy muttered several variations of Edward’s name with various accents. Edwa sounded extremely feminine, no matter what voice he used. Ed would probably kill him if he used it. Envy stored it to memory. Ward sounded like some kind of magic spell. Envy didn’t like Ward. Ed was too common, and that clingy wrench-wench called the pipsqueak that. So did his brother. Envy wasn’t his brother. That would just be plain weird. What had he called Ed in his dreams? Envy snorted. They weren’t his dreams; they belong to some random alter-ego with very unusual memories. Most were of therapy sessions, a doctor with mismatched eyes and his dreams of being in love with Ed.

Envy sniggered. Like that would ever happen. He owed a lot to Edward, and yeah, he did like teasing and talking to him, and he was currently muttering Ed’s name obsessively and impatiently waiting for Ed’s return…

“Edo. It was Edo.”

Maybe Envy had a tiny, _tiny_ attraction. Edo’s smile really was beautiful. He would rather be looking at Edo’s smile that those pretty pink flowers, which were becoming harder and harder to see…

“Shit,” Envy said, realising how corny he sounded. Maybe he had a crush, or something.

The door burst open. Envy stood, scowling with a hand on hip as he turned. “About time, Fullme-”

It wasn’t Ed.

It was a man with sharp, handsome features, brown hair and eyes just as purple as his own. He was panting, his eyes wide and worried.

“Mental ward’s that-a-way,” Envy announced, pointing over his shoulder. Perhaps this man would jump out. That would be briefly amusing, right?

“I-it’s Edo,” the man announced in the unusual language.

“That’s _my_ nickname for _my_ pipsqueak!” Envy snarled.

Oops.

That definitely sounded like love.

“Edowarudo, then,” the man corrected hurriedly. “Muraki’s got him!”

Envy stared at him for several seconds silently before storming towards him. Roughly, he grabbed the tall man’s collar, glaring murderously into his eyes. “That doctor? That doctor has Edo?”

Nervously, the man nodded.

Envy snarled. “Take me to wherever the hell they are so I can cut him into one thousand pieces. GOT. IT?”

He nodded. Envy released him. “Who are you?”

“Tsuzuki Asato,” he replied, “a Shinigami.”

“I don’t care, but you’re helping me reclaim what’s mine!” Envy yelled.

As he followed Tsuzuki through what looked like an office, Envy decided that he definitely was in love. God help anyone who dared interfere.


	13. MURAKI OMFG

It seemed almost peacefully, Ed observed as he stirred. There was a soft, almost musical, whirring reaching his ears. He didn’t mind that his legs were numb or the cold metal his back was against. He didn’t mind the fact that his wrists and ankles were raw and bleeding. At least he could hear the melancholic music until his death came.

Ed almost laughed. He was already dead – how could he die again? For that matter, how could he be damaged if he was dead? Wasn’t he some kind of spiritual force? Ed groaned. Now he was even more confused. Would he ever come out of this with knowledge?

Groaning, he rocked slightly forward. The wire around his torso looked so thin, but he couldn’t break it. It was breaking him. The silver-tinted, thread-thin wire was digging into him tighter with each movement, glistening with his own blood. Dribbles from his wrist fell slowly down to his fingertips before falling down to the ground. He didn’t know what was going on, or why he seemed to be getting woozier and woozier. How much blood had he lost? Carefully, Ed shifted his neck, wincing as wire sliced. There was a puddle beneath his feet. Every few seconds, several drops would be added with a small splash. It wasn’t as much as Ed had expected, but to see so much of his own blood, so far beneath his feet he had no hope of touching it, was quite disturbing. Had he lost this much blood during the failed transmutation? Would he die this time?

 _‘I’m already dead,’_ Ed reminded himself. It was unbelievable how realistic this blood looked. But, then again, Homunculi were dead and they seemed to bleed. Perhaps Ed was a Homunculus?

“Envy…” he murmured weakly. He couldn’t help but allow a tragic smile. Whatever this doctor truly wanted didn’t matter. Muraki was never getting his hands on Envy. Ed would make sure of it until his dying breath.

‘I’m already dead…’

Blood trickled down his neck, telling him otherwise.

Whatever Muraki wanted, he would have to hurry up. If it was what Ed suspected, it would take a lot of energy – energy that Ed didn’t posses anymore. His vision was blurring again, darkness snapping at the corners of his vision. Ed could feel the blood gathering at the tip of his fingers. He couldn’t hear the melancholic music anymore. With his hands shaking, Ed pressed a finger firmly against the stab of steel, shakily tracing a circle. He touched it and closed his eyes, bracing for the blue light. The steel shattered, the wires slipping uselessly to the floor. Ed stumbled as his feet hit the ground, feeling like a weak child. With a clap he transmuted a sword from the steel. Holding the weapon as best he could, he headed away from the wire. He didn’t know where he was going, but he couldn’t stay there any longer. What had he been thinking, staying for so long? Muraki wanted him to transmute humans. Ed had to get out of here.

“Where are you going, Elric-san?”

Ed tightened his grip on the sword. He slowly turned around, glaring furiously at Muraki. The white and silver stood out from the darkness in an eerily angelic manner. “I’m getting the hell out of here, what does it look like?”

Muraki gave a chuckle. “I don’t think you’ll manage that, Elric-san. It seems that you can’t heal at the rate of a Shinigami, and you’re bleeding so heavily.”

“Like I care! I’m already dead, so what can happen?” Ed snapped.

“A Shinigami, when in visible form like you are now, have the same weaknesses and strengths as mere mortals. The only difference is the extreme healing rate, which seems to be halved with you,” Muraki explained superiorly. “Once you’ve lost two litres of blood, you will be rendered useless.”

“I don’t believe you! I’m not even a Shinigami!”

Muraki’s eyes weren’t on Ed anymore. They had drifted to a wall to the doctor’s left. Ed gritted his teeth. “You bastard! Don’t ignore me, tell me your plan!”

“I would have thought you’d have realised, Elric-san,” Muraki said, his eyes still on the wall.

Ed twitched. He stormed shakily towards Muraki, readying his weapon. “I know you want me to do the impossible and bring a human back to life – tell me _why_!”

As Ed came closer, Muraki calmly signalled to the wall. Cautiously, Ed glanced over. His eyes widened in horror. The wall was a tank. Tubes ran from the top downward, connecting to the forehead and torn neck of the young man’s head, half of his spine hanging uselessly bellow. His hair floated over his head, his eyes half-opened and blank. Somehow, a sneer seemed to be placed across his lips. What startled Ed the most was the obvious likeness between the severed head and Muraki.

“This is why, Elric-san,” Muraki said, his voice softening. “Saki is my half-brother, yet we’re the same age. Can you understand how?” The words were becoming louder and emotive with each syllable, until Muraki was almost screaming with rage. “My father impregnated a patient. While my mother was still pregnant, no less. And then, then he had to come and _live_ with us.” His face twisted with disgust. Ed took a step backwards. “That day the _devil_ came into our home and destroyed my family!” Muraki paused to slam a fist against the tank containing Saki. “He killed my mother… our father! And at their funeral…” Muraki drew in a deep breath. “He _laughed_. Saki was going to kill _me_ too, after telling me everything. But then…” Muraki’s face clouded, filling with a rage so strong and incomparable Ed found himself fearing for his life. “The butler shot him. SHOT. HIM. But now, Elric-san,” Muraki’s voice was returning to its usual silky form as he lifted Ed’s blood stained right hand and brought it to his lips. Ed cringed as the doctor’s tongue traced his wrist. “Now you’re going to bring him back, so I can kill Saki with my own hands.” He threw his head back and laughed. Ed found himself spellbound by the insanity of Muraki’s laughter, the effects of his half-brother showing all at once.

“I won’t do that,” Ed said coldly. He wrenched his arm away from Muraki, briefly noting a shallower wound. “To obtain, you have to present something of equal value – equivalent exchange, alchemy’s founding principal. This isn’t magic, it’s science, and there’s nothing that can imitate the spark of life. Nothing is equal to a person’s soul!” Ed drew in a breath, glaring up at the insane man. “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to. Especially not in this world.”

Ed was expecting an outburst of threats, yells of rage and bargaining. He hadn’t expected a chuckle. He hadn’t even imagined the cold, mocking laughter that followed.

“After hearing everything Envy had to say, after being his doctor, you expect me to believe that?” Muraki mocked.

Ed’s eyes widened. “What did he tell you?”

Muraki smirked. “Everything. What he was, what you were, the fact that he killed you twice and inked his name into your flesh.”

Ed trembled. “Envy… he… killed me once…”

“Twice, Elric-san. When he found you in this world over seventy years ago, he killed you,” Muraki said sardonically. “And then he manipulated you. He made you believe that he loved you. Quite a foolish thing to believe, Elric-san. Envy is a monster. He always will be. A human can never have purple eyes.”

“Shut up! I don’t believe you! Shut up!”

“When he told me that you brought your little brother back to life, do you know what he did Elric-san?” Muraki asked coolly. He didn’t wait for an answer. “He laughed.”

Blindly, Ed swung the blade. “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He felt it slice something, but he couldn’t see what. He swung again and again and again, sobbing and shaking. Ed felt like he had surrendered his body to a demon – he couldn’t control his violent swinging, he couldn’t see the result, but he could feel foreign warmth bathing his hands. His vision returned with a snap. The blade of the sword pierced Muraki’s stomach, pinning him to the cracked and leaking tank. A noise, somewhere between a cry and gasp, escaped Ed.

“You see? You’re the same, Elric-san. You, Envy and Tsuzuki-san. Monsters. Born from science. Experiments,” Muraki said slowly, his voice raspy. He paused and coughed, blood erupting from his mouth. “ _Artificial humans_.”

Ed backed away slowly, shaking his head. As Muraki slumped, he screamed.

\--

Hisoka froze.

“What’s wrong, Hisoka?” Tsuzuki panicked.

“Muraki… he’s…” Hisoka started. Tears started to fall, yet he didn’t feel sad. Hisoka glanced down, trying to hide them. Wordlessly, he rolled up a sleeve, before glancing up at Tsuzuki. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “The curse is gone.”

“Hisoka…” Tsuzuki whispered, dazed, moving although to hug his partner. Hisoka beat him to it, his arms wrapping around Tsuzuki’s neck and face pressing into the black trench coat as he sobbed.

Envy sighed impatiently. “Sorry to kill this wonderful and loving moment,” he wasn’t, actually, “but what the _hell_ are you on about? I don’t think it’s more important than Edo!”

“Muraki put a curse on Hisoka,” Tsuzuki replied as a hand rubbed circles into Hisoka’s back. “If it’s gone, he must be dead.”

Envy blinked twice. “The guy who kidnapped my Edo is dead?”

Tsuzuki nodded.

Envy punched a wall. “Then how can _I_ kill him?” He adjusted his headband thoughtfully. The basement of JuuOuCho was stocked with an incredibly vast variety of clothes. After being told there was nothing they could do for Ed, Envy had found his way there, and once again uncovered his trademark clothes. He had missed his skort. But to his amazement, the red Ouroburos on his thigh had been replaced with two black symbols. One was pointy and the other more circular. Hisoka said they meant Envy was made of or belonged to steel. Envy just found it random.

“Tsuzuki! Kurosaki-kun!”

The door flew open. The elderly chief, Konoe, charged in, looking both distressed and amazed. “The kiseki is showing – ”

“Muraki’s name, we know,” Tsuzuki finished as Hisoka pulled away, eyes almost as red as his face. Tsuzuki dropped a hand to his partner’s shoulder, smiling supportively.

“Right,” Konoe said, slightly sheepishly. “You both will need to find Elric-kun and make sure Muraki’s spirit passes on.”

“Yes, chief,” Hisoka replied obediently.

Tsuzuki looked concerned. “Hisoka, are…?”

“I want to see for sure, Tsuzuki.”

Hisoka glanced away, missing the usual concern in Tsuzuki’s eyes being replaced with pride. Tsuzuki nodded before taking a fuuda from his pocket. He folded the rectangle into a square carefully before swiftly creating a paper bird. He muttered a word and the bird came to life, a delicate-looking, elegant bird which quickly flew out the window.

“We’ll track him down, Chief,” Tsuzuki said confidently.

Konoe nodded. “Good luck, Tsuzuki, Kurosaki-kun… Envy-kun.” He turned and walked away.

Silence followed.

“…You’re entrusting the life of my lover to a bird created from paper?”

“It’s a Tracking Demon,” Tsuzuki corrected self-righteously.

“Right.”

\--

Muraki had been hiding on the outskirts of Tokyo. The Tracking Demon had found the location within an hour and soon led them there. Inside, it was cold and metallic.

“EDO!” Envy yelled, waiting for a response. There wasn’t one. “HEY, EDO!” he shouted, louder. He listened closely. He heard a sob. Without waiting for the Shinigamis’ reactions, Envy sprinted to the source.

Pinned to a cracked and leaking tank was the white man, his suit stained heavily with blood and water. A few strides away, Envy recognised the ripped red coat of a hunched figure. Two tones of red littered the coat. Like lightning, Envy was by Ed’s side.

“Edo, you okay?” Envy questioned, one hand falling onto Ed’s shaking back. The other attempted to lift his chin. Envy noticed the blood staining Ed’s hair and throat.

“I-I d-didn’t mean t-to!” Ed sobbed, his body tensing. “I… I…”

Envy pulled Ed into his arms, trying to ignore the stench of blood. “He was gonna kill you, Edo. So it’s alright.”

Feeling Ed’s lips brush his shoulder, Envy tightened his grip. “I love you, Envy.”

Envy blinked heavily. That was sudden. Did it take sudden and unexpected encounters with death and torture to get Ed to express himself? “Love you too, pipsqueak.”

“’M not short,” Ed murmured. Envy felt Ed’s eyelashes brush together.

“Edo?”

No response. Envy lifted Ed into his arms before walking towards the watching Shinigami. He glanced back at Muraki, noticing the severed head for the first time.

“The bastard and that head are dead,” Envy told them. “And if Muraki doesn’t stay that way, I’ll obliterate his soul.”

Ed shifted closer to him in his sleep.


	14. Death

Tsuzuki wasn’t under the cherry blossoms, he definitely wasn’t at his desk, Watari hadn’t seen him, Tatsumi had broken off into mutters about the budget when asked (Hisoka assumed they were deeply in debt, again) and Konoe said he didn’t know, but he did know that Tsuzuki was the laziest, slackest worker he had ever encountered. The GuShouShin brothers reminded Hisoka that Tsuzuki had a life-time ban from the library before quickly assuring him that he, Hisoka, was always welcome. Tsuzuki wasn’t visiting Elric or Envy – both were still asleep, curled around each other. As cute as the image and aura of the scene was, it didn’t help Hisoka in his mission.

There was only one other time he had searched Meifu like this. It had been for Tsuzuki then, too, and it had been raining. It wasn’t raining now, but maybe…

Hisoka started to run. It took a while, but finally he reached it. The bridge, over looking an elegant stone structure. The place where he had accepted Tsuzuki as his partner. The scene was almost eerily similar – Tsuzuki leaning on the rail, staring unblinkingly towards the building opposite. Hisoka stepped to his side.

“Idiot,” he sighed. “You had me running all over JuuOuCho looking for you.”

Tsuzuki made a thoughtful noise. Hisoka leant on the rail by his side. The silence wasn’t awkward, but it was full of anticipation.

“Hey, Tsuzuki…?” Hisoka started. He barely registered Tsuzuki’s acknowledgement before continuing. “I love you.”

“Do you remember what I said, last time we were here?” Tsuzuki questioned. He glanced toward Hisoka, smiling warmly. “‘You’re my partner. No matter what kind of pervert you get involved with, I’ll be there for you.’ ‘Cos I love you too, ’Soka.”

Hisoka flushed. “Idiot. The only pervert I’m involved with now is you!”

\--

_(This is a dr-e-e-e-e-eam/memory. Thingy.)_   


Panting heavily, Ed leant against Envy’s chest. His eyes drooped closed as he listened to the rhyme of a racing heart. A hand pressed against his cheek.

“Aww, did I tire the poor pipsqueak out?” Envy cooed.

Ed swatted his hand. “Don’t call me a pipsqueak, asshole.”

“ _That_ lacked the usual energy,” he observed. A breath of hot air told Ed that Envy was playing with his cowlick. Again.

“Maybe I don’t feel like fighting anymore.”

“We weren’t fighting, we were – ”

“You know what I mean!”

Envy chuckled. His fingers danced over Ed’s right arm thoughtfully. “You know what you need? A tattoo.”

Ed’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

“I can give you one, and it won’t hurt _too_ much,” Envy added, grinning. Ed glanced up at him, shuddering.

“You mean it won’t hurt _you_ much!”

“Well, it won’t be automail surgery.”

Ed glared. “If I get one, you get one! Where the Ouroburos used to be!”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

Another lapse of silence followed.

“…what’s it gonna be of?” Ed asked, somewhat uneasily.

“Me, duh.”

Ed twitched. “No fucking way.”

“My name, then.”

“No.”

“The Ouroburos?”

“Like hell!”

Envy considered it more seriously. “My name in those pretty symbols.”

“Kanji.”

“That’s the one.”

Ed sighed. “Fine, but you’d better do it right!”

“It’s not _that_ hard,” Envy shrugged. “Burn it into your skin and then cover it with ink. Simple.”

“WHAT?” Ed shouted, jumping to his feet. Envy pulled him back into his lap.

“And how’re you gonna mark me, Edo?” he questioned huskily.

“The Flamel,” Ed replied instantly.

“I want pretty symbols too!”

“Kanji.”

“Whatever.”

“Um… Fullmetal?” Ed guessed.

“I was thinking “pipsqueak”, but okay.”

Ed smacked him lightly. “Why’re we doing this, anyway?”

“To show ownership,” Envy replied with a wide grin.

Ed blushed.

\--   
_(Meaning, it’s no longer the dream/memory anymore.)_  


Groggily, Ed opened his eyes. Blinking heavily and yawning, his vision started to clear. Immediately, his eyes widened. Firstly, when had he fallen asleep? When did he end up in a hospital bed? And, most importantly, why was he in Envy’s arms? Hadn’t a deranged, cannibal scientist just kidnapped him? Ed lay perfectly still for almost a minute before the earlier events returned to his mind.

Without even a moment’s hesitation, Ed bit down on Envy’s arm.

“SHIT!”

Ed unclamped his jaw, glaring viciously at the startled Envy. “You have a _lot_ of explaining to do, you bastard!”

“What did I do?” Envy asked, rubbing his abused arm.

Ed twitched. “ _First_ you kill me, then you drag me into the Gate, then you manipulate and confuse the hell out of me, then you decide it’s time to run off and leave me _alone_ in there and then I have to hear from your shrink that it was all a joke!”

Envy opened and closed his mouth several times.

“Explain what the fuck is _wrong_ with you!”

“If I didn’t kill you, you’d have killed me, you opened the Gate yourself – even if I _might_ have helped – which is instant death anyway. I didn’t manipulate you, you’re an emotional retard so _of course_ you were confused, it was an accident, what shrink?” Envy ranted, before pausing to observe Ed’s face. “And if it was a joke, wouldn’t I be laughing? I wouldn’t do _this_ …” And then he kissed him.

Ed relaxed instantly, kissing back desperately. His finger curled around Envy’s shoulders, as their bodies became closer and closer. Just as he felt Envy’s tongue brush his lips, Ed pulled away. He observed Envy closely before bowing his head.

“Muraki said you were laughing at me. Me _and_ Al. He said you told him everything,” Ed swallowed heavily. “I got so mad… I didn’t know what I was doing! I couldn’t control myself! And… and then he said we’re not even human.”

“He convinced me I was schizophrenic,” Envy replied. “I couldn’t connect what had really happened and what was imaginary. But I never told Muraki directly.”

Ed buried his face in Envy’s chest. “But we’re human, right?”

Envy hesitated. “Didn’t I ever tell you that Father created Hohenheim?”

Ed blinked. “What…?”

“He was a failure. Too humane to be useful, too inhumane to stick with a family,” Envy explained. “But _you’re_ human, even if a bit less than most of ‘em.”

“And you?”

“I dunno.”

“Muraki said Tsuzuki’s not human either,” Ed added. “But… he doesn’t act like a monster. And I know you’re not a monster. Not really.”

Envy sighed. “How’s this; it doesn’t matter, so long as you’re here.”

“Corny.”

“Good.”

The door burst open.

“Edo!” Tsuzuki sang happily. “You’re all better!”

“Yeah,” Ed agreed sheepishly.

“I was gonna bake you a “Get Well!” cake but Hisoka wouldn’t let me,” Tsuzuki announced.

“Anything Tsuzuki cooks is poison.”

“’Soka-a-a-a-a-a! Meanie!” Tsuzuki whined. Ed was once again struck with the half-dog hybrid in his mind. “What happened to being all nice and “I love you, Tsuzuki”?”

Hisoka blushed. “Idiot!”

“About time you sorted that out,” Ed sighed.

“You’re one to speak,” Envy muttered. “Only took you about a decade.”

“Well excuse me! Maybe if you hadn’t been stalking and trying to _kill_ me!” Ed cried.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka exchanged glances. Chuckling, Envy threw his arms around Ed. “You were loving any attention I gave you, Edo, and you know it!”

“So what?”

Envy laughed, loud and maniacally, before kissing Ed’s cheek.

“Don’t laugh so loud in my ear, dammit!”

“Elric, Envy,” Hisoka interrupted, sounding almost regretful. “Your names are in the kiseki. EnmaDaiou won’t let you stay any longer.”

Ed and Envy exchanged glances. Smiling, Ed slipped out of Envy’s grip and off the bed. He held his hand back expectantly.

“Let’s go, then.”

Envy nodded, lacing their fingers together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the hell just happened
> 
> what the hell was this fic


End file.
